‘MY LOOSE TONGUE HAS GOT ME INTO TROUBLE’
Studies have shown that our favourite topic of conversation is ourselves, but knowing where to draw the line can be difficult
We all know how important it is – even more so these days – to talk about how we’re feeling. And, thanks to social media, it’s never been easier to keep family, friends and even strangers (thank you, Twitter), in the loop. But while some of us might balk at the idea of sharing the latest
Samantha Brick, 49, is a writer. She lives with her husband, Pascal, 59, a carpenter.
As a girl and a teenager, I was shy, but when I cottoned on that there was mileage in sharing personal experiences about myself, friends included me in their conversations. Like it or not, banter and gossip are the glue in most friendships and how we relate to one another.
Gossip girl
argument, sexcapade, or how potty training is going, others are proud oversharers. Like Loose Women’s Nadia Sawalha, 55.
Whether it’s her battle with incontinence or marriage dramas, the star has shared some of the most private aspects of her life with the nation. And in a recent interview, she defended her
Fast forward to my 20s and gossiping about myself and those in my life underpinned my daily conversations. This was the decade of TV series Sex and the City. Who can forget those scenes over brunch when the girls shared too much information about their sex lives? I lapped it up because I behaved the same in real life.
My friends and I were all single. We’d share all about guys we were seeing. Everything from rubbish kissers to those who were not so great in bed. And we’d chew the fat over our insecurities. reasons for doing so, saying both she and husband Mark Adderley are professional oversharers.
‘People always ask us why we share so much,’ she says. ‘But when you share, people share back. It helps us as much as it helps others.’
But is there a line when it comes to telling all?
Woman investigates...
When you are in a circle of trust, ‘oversharing’ about your intimate information is fine. But it’s when it came to work that I eventually came unstuck.
I used to work in TV – and, back then, two months was a long contract. Within hours of meeting, you have to fast-forward your relationships with new colleagues. What better way to bond than overshare? We’d reveal everything, from our partners’ failings to moaning about family.
Alcohol is a friend and a foe in these circumstances. After one boozy end-ofseries party I got home and mentioned to the guy I was seeing that I’d discussed our pet names. He was livid and didn’t speak to me for a week. For him, our relationship was off limits, and I hadn’t considered that some people have tighter boundaries about what they feel comfortable sharing.
Needless to say, in my 30s I continued to freely ‘overshare’ – usually about sex. I remember one phone call where I swear I could hear my mum squirming when I told her about the sexual preferences of American men. I got as far as ‘they like to shower before and after sex, Mum!’, when she told me to button it.
My first husband almost combusted when I told friends over dinner why we’d decided to get married. I launched into my genuine motivation for saying ‘I do’, explaining it was for practical reasons. He was furious that I’d gone into detail on the financial win-wins of living under one roof. Apparently, I hadn’t bothered mentioning his romantic proposal. Little wonder we divorced two years later.
Don’t judge
So should Nadia Sawalha be a proud oversharer? Well, if she and her husband are OK with it, then who are we to judge?
I’ve never been into oversharing on social media. My posts are universal but they are positive and generally feel-good.
Those that elicit a ‘you OK, hun?’ thread are not for me – although I sympathise during lockdown because it’s important for some to release their feelings. But maybe consider doing it privately, with mates that you know will have your back.
It’s why my golden rule is ‘we have one mouth and two ears for a reason’.
‘WHAT BETTER WAY TO BOND?’