‘SHE THANKED US FOR SAVING HER’
That was when I explained properly that she had been adopted from a country called Bosnia, and that the reason the lady who had given birth to her couldn’t look after her was due to the war.
Lejla says now that it didn’t feel like a profound moment. We told her as much as we could about her background, in a way she could understand. We went on a family holiday to Bosnia and we tried to encourage her to learn the language in school, although at the time she wasn’t all that interested.
Then, when she hit 18, she told us she wanted to go back to Bosnia on holiday with her boyfriend. That was when we knew she needed to hear the full story. It was the moment we had been dreading.
Sitting in our comfy living room, we showed Lejla a video of the interview with Mia and explained how we had found her and knew we couldn’t leave her. We gave her the file we had kept of her papers. She didn’t cry, she was just very thoughtful. She had been researching the country and had read about the camps. She has always taken a while to process her thoughts.
It was the following year that she decided to return to Bosnia and try to find Mia. When she told me, I was pleased; Dan had also tried to find Mia on a number of occasions. Lejla went to the hospital in Sarajevo and found a nurse who had worked there at the time.
He remembered her, and us, and said with the biggest smile: ‘You are the one who got away!’
Lejla couldn’t find Mia on that trip, but later got a letter from the Bosnian Embassy in London with Mia’s name, address and telephone number. She wrote to her and, a few weeks later, got a handwritten page back from Mia, saying she was so glad to hear from her and that she loved her.
It was incredible. They wrote to each other for three years and eventually, in October 2017, we went out as a family to meet Mia. We had no idea how any of us would react. We bought flowers and, when we arrived at the flats where she lived, Dan and I went through the door first, followed by Lejla. Mia hugged and kissed her.
I had brought photos of Lejla growing up to give her. For three hours, we all held hands, with a few tears and lots of cake. Lejla sat on one side and I was on the other, as Mia stroked Lejla’s face. She said it had brought her peace in her heart and thanked us for saving her baby. It gave me so much joy to see them together.
It hasn’t always been easy for Lejla or us, but she has grown into an incredible, level-headed, determined superstar of a young woman. She was a typical feisty teenager and we always knew we would have to tell her the truth and respect her need to find out about her origins. I am so proud of her and happy that she has been able to build a relationship with the woman who gave birth to her. It is the least Mia and Lejla deserve.
‘I AM THE PRODUCT OF RAPE, I WANT TO BE PART OF THE CHANGE’
Lejla says: I’ve always felt so loved and secure in my family, but I felt uncertain about my identity. When Mum and Dad told me about how
I was conceived, at least it gave me something. It was horrendous, but it was an answer.
Trying to rationalise, it is not such a shock when you know how many women were raped at that time. If you meet anyone in Bosnia born between 1992 and 1995, so many have a story.
I wanted to find Mia, and tell her I was OK. I’ve never felt angry towards her for not being able to look after me. How could I?
I have discovered how strong Mia is. She’s not well emotionally or physically – she has Parkinson’s and epilepsy. To have the strength to see me – that takes so much.
I am the product of rape, but I want to be part of the change. Rape in warfare didn’t just happen in the Balkans, it happens in every conflict, and we have to put an end to it.
✱