‘I DIDN’T RECOGNISE I WAS A CARER’
Emma Lowndes, 53, is the director of a consulting business. She lives in Buckinghamshire with her husband, John, 58, and their 16-year-old son. She cares for her mother-in-law, Marj, 88. For nearly 10 years, my mother-in-law, Marj, lived on her own and loved her independence. But as she got older, she began to fall more often and became forgetful. Initially, we suggested assisted living but Marj didn’t want to be cared for by strangers. Eventually, in 2011, when Marj was 79, we suggested she move in with us. ‘Are you sure?’ she asked. ‘I wouldn’t have had my mother-in-law living with me!’ But it made sense, and meant Marj could be close to her family.
Later that year, she sold her house and we used some of the money to build an extension so Marj could have her own space. At first, we found a new routine and Marj remained fairly independent. But a year later, she was diagnosed with dementia and Alzheimer’s and she went downhill fast.
In 2016, I started my own consulting business and could work from home, so John went back to working full-time away from home. I took over Marj’s care and managed everything, from her medication to her finances. As it became more demanding, we employed private carers to come in to help out with her meals. But I’d help Marj shower and tuck her into bed – and, as she couldn’t make it to the loo on her own, help her into the bathroom.
At first, I didn’t recognise that I was a carer. But in 2017, I found out about Carers
UK and realised that I fit the description. Caring can be stressful and full on. We can’t ever arrange last-minute plans, but I’m just glad Marj gets to grow old with her family by her side. My husband and son help keep her company and I’ve found amazing local caring groups. As Marj gets older, her needs will increase, but we try to take it day to day.
✱ Read about Emma’s experiences in her blog maudandmum.com