Short Story Bell Ringing

What would it take for Ruby to feel strong and independent once more?

Asatisfying ‘ping’ fills the air as I flick my Tibetan handheld brass bell. ‘You’re doing just great,’ purrs the woman on Youtube. I wave the bell into the corners of my lounge, chanting aloud.

‘I am in control of my own destiny. I am a strong and independent woman. My home is peaceful and pure, filled with positive energy…’

‘What on earth…?’

The cynical tone in my twin sister’s voice penetrates the air as she flings open the door. ‘Not this again! I thought you’d stopped this nonsense.’

‘Haven’t you heard of knocking?’ I know I sound annoyed. ‘And it’s not nonsense. Now, if you don’t mind, I need to carry on. I’m cleansing the energy.’

‘Don’t let me stop you,’ Jen mutters, plonking herself on the sofa. ‘I’ll watch.’

‘Energy cleansing is not a spectator sport.’ I say in my huffiest voice, ‘Haven’t you got somewhere else you need to be?’

But it’s obvious from the way she’s sprawled that she doesn’t, so, with a deep sigh, I abandon my bell.

Jen might be my identical twin, but our personalities and lives couldn’t be further apart.

‘Cup of tea?’ I ask, heading to the kitchen.

‘Yes, but not that green rubbish you gave me yesterday. I’ll have a proper cup. And don’t forget the biscuits. I’ll have those cream ones if there’s any left.’

In the kitchen, I fill the kettle to the ‘max’ line so it’ll take longer to boil.

Since Craig and I split up, Jen insists on having an opinion on everything in my life, and she keeps just turning up whenever she feels like it. I walk back towards the lounge, and hear her loud and indiscreet whisper from the hallway.

‘She was doing it again when I walked in. That thing with the bell.’ Her tone of voice implies I’ve been dancing naked round the nearest lamppost. ‘Yes, you’re right,’ she goes on. ‘We need to keep a close eye on her, make sure she’s not on her own this weekend. I’ll make plans and rally the troops.’

I cough, just loud enough to let her know I’m there. I don’t want to listen to her and Mum talking about me. I just want to be left alone.

By the time Jen is on her second cup of tea, I’ve stopped listening. All she can talk about is how she always knew Craig was wrong for me, and I should never have gone out with him in the first place.

‘You’re lucky to have good friends and family around you at a time like this,’ she declares. ‘You shouldn’t be moping around, playing with bells. Before you know it, you’ll be doing that thing again with your eyes closed, chanting “Om”.’

‘It’s called meditation. And I don’t mope,’ I retort.

But, as usual, she’s not listening.

‘Come for a night out with me and the girls. Have some fun, like the old days!’

It isn’t a question, it’s an instruction, and the determined look in Jen’s eyes tells me there’s no point in refusing. Instead, I fantasise about how easy my life would be if we were twins who knew what each other was thinking. But then, being Jen, she’d still think she knows best. It feels like an eternity until she starts to leave. At the door, she announces, ‘I thought we could go shopping tomorrow and have some lunch. I’ve seen these amazing shoes, and I could choose a new outfit for you – stop you looking so frumpy. It would cheer you up before our night out.’

As my heart sinks further, the soothing voice of the woman on Youtube drifts into my mind and I inwardly repeat my mantra. ‘I am in control of my own destiny. I am a strong and independent woman…’ Before I can stop them, the words are out.

‘I’m going away…in the morning…with a friend from work. Last minute. You’ll need to make other plans.’

‘Well, you could at least have said!’ Jen stares at me hard. ‘We’ll have to do it next weekend instead.’

I can’t close the door behind her quickly enough. Just one tiny, white lie and I have the whole weekend – and my home – to myself.

I wake up early in the morning with a mixture of emotions. Before I met Craig, I was really confident. I knew what I wanted from life, and I believed in myself. I feel ashamed about how I let Craig treat me when we were together, and I don’t want to listen to everyone’s opinions on it. The sooner I can cleanse away his negative energy, the better.

I grab my bell and go to the bedroom, take a deep breath, switch on the

‘I WAVE THE BELL INTO THE CORNERS OF MY LOUNGE AND CHANT ALOUD’

Youtube video and declare out loud:

‘I am in control of my own destiny. I am a strong and independent woman. My home is peaceful and pure, filled with positive energy.’

Craig’s face pops straight into my head. He didn’t even treat me like a woman, let alone a strong, independent one.

I take another deep breath and continue. Youtube urges me to ‘ping’ in all the dark corners of my home, so I climb on a chair and wave my bell vigorously at the top of the wardrobe… That’s when I see it, hiding away at the back, and I stop with a jolt, mid-ping. It’s the bag that holds all the cards Craig sent me while we were together. He’d laughed at me and called me soppy for keeping them, so I’d hidden them.

I lean forward, but the bag is just out of reach. I shuffle a bit closer to the edge of the chair and stretch further, just able to grab a corner.

As I pull the bag towards me, I feel the chair move in the opposite direction. With nothing to hold on to, I find myself falling and landing hard on the floor with an undignified crash.

Cards scatter, and I find myself surrounded by the past.

The first birthday card Craig gave me is on top. The cute bear holding the red heart looks back, mocking me, and I wonder how

I could ever have believed the words inside. I open it, revealing the familiar, scrawling writing. ‘To my darling Ruby, the light of my life. All my love forever, Craig’, followed by rows of kisses.

I thought life was good then. We’d had fun, made plans. What would I have thought if he’d written the truth? ‘All my love until somebody better comes along…’

Next to the birthday card is his card from last Christmas. This one’s not cute, just plain grey. It doesn’t even say ‘girlfriend’. I open it, remembering with pain the loneliness I felt that morning.

‘To Ruby, from Craig’. Not even a kiss. I write more in cards to people at work, and I can’t for the life of me think why I ever decided to keep it.

Tears sting my eyes. I blame myself for letting our relationship go on for so long. I spent my life trying to please him. Before I knew it, I’d stopped seeing my friends, and my life just revolved around him. Now he’s gone, it’s obvious everybody is interfering because they think I’m incapable of being on my own. But I can’t stand their pity.

Some strong, independent woman I am! The tears are streaming now, and I know I need a lot more than an energy-cleansing bell to sort out my life and help me move forward.

The rattle of the letterbox makes me jump. I know it’s too early for the postman, so I climb slowly to my feet and hobble downstairs to see a note lying on the mat. I reach down and pick it up.

‘Dear Ruby, Please forgive me if I’m wrong, but I suspect you haven’t gone away this weekend. Sorry if I’ve been interfering, but I miss you and want to help. Jen xx’

Jen! She knows I’m here. I fling open the door to see her standing on the doormat, hands on hips, her eyes red from crying.

‘How did you guess?’ I ask as she follows me into the lounge.

‘You haven’t wanted to do anything since Craig left, so it seemed odd you were suddenly going away. Why did you lie, Ruby? Why won’t you talk to me?’

‘Because you come round out of pity, feeling sorry for me. You always knew Craig was wrong for me, and everyone knows I was too weak to leave him. I feel stupid because I was the only one who couldn’t see what he was really like.’

‘Oh Ruby, no wonder you’ve been distant! I don’t come round because

I feel sorry for you, but because I’ve missed you. When you were with Craig, you always looked so sad and I hardly ever saw you. When he left, I thought you’d be happier – back to your old self – but you still look sad, and I feel like you want to avoid me.

‘You’ve always been the strong one of us, knowing what you want, not caring what other people think. When you kept shutting me out and talking about clearing negative energy I thought you meant me!’

We stand and look at each other, twins who have always handled life so differently.

I see Jen’s mouth start to twitch as she does her best to keep a straight face.

‘You did look funny waving that bell around,’ she says. ‘I’ve missed you, Ruby, and the laughs we used to have together. And, just for the record, I think you are the strongest, most independent woman I know.’

I reach out to give my sister a big hug. ‘OK, it might have looked funny, but you can’t deny it works,’ I say. ‘How’s that, then?’

‘Because we’ve cleared the air between us, of course!’

‘Very true,’ Jen says. ‘Saved by the bell! Now let’s put the kettle on. And I might even give that green tea another try.’

THE END

‘I FLING OPEN THE DOOR TO SEE HER STANDING THERE, HANDS ON HIPS’