‘WRITING DOWN MY EX’S FAULTS WAS TRAUMATIC’
Writer Samantha Brick, 49, lives with husband Pascal, 59.
When I said ‘I do’ to my first love on the beach of an Australian tropical island, I had no idea that, two years later, I’d file for a divorce. We got together at college and had an on-off relationship throughout our 20s. He proposed when we were 30 and getting married seemed like the logical step.
There was a reason we kept splitting up, though: we weren’t that compatible when it came to everyday life. I loved my job as a television producer, while he prioritised his social life. Eighteen months after we married, I got a chance to go to LA to work for a year. We talked through what that meant for our future and we agreed I’d go on my own. I took the offer and we decided to split.
I consulted a divorce solicitor and was surprised to discover we couldn’t just decide to walk away from the marriage – one of us had to be at ‘fault’. The other option, a two-year separation before applying, didn’t appeal. We wanted to get on with our own lives.
The choices left to us were adultery, desertion or unreasonable behaviour. We agreed to opt for the last one as it seemed the most sensible. In our first meeting, the solicitor encouraged me to let loose about all my ex’s faults. As no one is perfect, it’s easy to pick apart someone’s character. But the formality of the letter announcing proceedings was a disaster. My ex got upset seeing in black and white that he’d be taking the blame for our marriage ending.
We sat and talked it through like the adults we are. Neither of us wanted to fork out for a solicitor intent on putting us at loggerheads, so we opted for an online DIY divorce. But we still had to specify ‘unreasonable behaviour’.
It stuck in the throat that one of us had to take the blame. I cringed when I put the list together. In the end, I put daft things down such as he hogged the telly and expected me to chauffeur him to and from the pub to see his mates.
He did flinch when he read it but we kept talking and we split our cash fairly. I even gave him a wedge up front so he could take his new girlfriend on holiday. That’s how OK we were with things.
I welcome the idea of a ‘no fault’ divorce and suspect if it had been in place when we split, it would have been less traumatic and we’d still be friends.