‘I WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO LOVE THIS CHILD’
Hyacinth Myers, 48, is a business owner and lives in London with her sons, aged 21 and 14.
I was a scared and nervous teenager after spending my adolescence living in a house where my mother was abused by my stepfather.
It wasn’t until October 1988, when I was 17, that she was finally able to leave with me and my three younger siblings. We moved to a new area where I began art college and made new friends.
Traumatic attack
But early the following year, after a night out at a mate’s house, his older friend attacked me when he went to bed. My attacker held me overnight at knife point, repeatedly raping me, and threatening to kill me if I told anyone what had happened.
A couple of weeks later, I got what I thought was my period, but my stomach had started to feel odd and my breasts were hurting. Eventually, I told my two closest friends that I thought I was pregnant. I couldn’t bring myself to tell them about the rape, however.
They insisted that I did a test and when it turned positive I went into shock. I wasn’t ready to be a mum, let alone a single mum. And while I loved children, I knew deep down
‘MUM SAID SHE WOULD STAND BY ME’
I wouldn’t be able to love this child, because of how they were conceived.
When I finally built up the courage to tell
Mum I was pregnant, she was upset and disappointed. I told her that the father was a boy I had previously been dating. Mum said she would stand by me, and respected my decision. We made the appointments for the termination, but because I was so skinny
I quickly began to show.
One friend suspected and said, ‘I hope you’re not pregnant. Because if you are and have a termination, you’re a murderer.’ Those words stuck in my head for years.
Opening up
Last year, after a lot of therapy, I knew it was finally time to tell Mum about the attack that happened 30 years ago. Although it was hard for her to hear, it was also a relief for her to know the truth after all this time. And she was as supportive as ever.
To family members or friends of a woman facing an unwanted pregnancy, my advice would be to try to be supportive and don’t judge. Making a decision like this is hard enough without anyone else’s judgement. And, besides, every woman will know what the right decision is for her.