‘SORRY DAVINA, IT’S NOT EXTREMELY RARE’
Karen Ingala Smith is CEO of nia, a charity supporting women who’ve been subjected to men’s violence. Q Is Davina Mccall’s tweet harmful? About one in 12 women killed by men in the UK are killed by strangers, so it isn’t extremely rare. And there are many ways men harm and harass women out alone that are definitely not rare, and affect women constantly. Recognising the possible harm men pose isn’t fear-mongering, and turning women’s fear about men’s violence after the suspected murder of a woman is a spectacular reversal of what and where the problem is.
Q
Why must we avoid terminology like #notallmen?
Ask any woman to list the ways she’s been abused by a man and most will give you a long one. Ask any man to list the ways he has abused a woman and you’ll likely get a blank stare. Even if it isn’t all men, it’s all women who are affected by violent, abusive or just plain creepy men. Men need to learn the reality of our lives. Q Talking to men, how can they help women feel safe?
Believe women, challenge your male friends if they are derogatory to women. If one of your friends starts telling you about his ‘crazy’ girlfriend or ex, ask yourself whether there’s another side to this, maybe check that she’s OK, especially if this is a pattern. Can you intervene if you see a man harassing a woman on the street or on public transport? If it’s safe, create a physical barrier and sit between them on the bus, train or tube. If you find yourself thinking not all men are like that, you could challenge yourself to ask why that was your go-to response. Why did you focus on what you think men don’t do, rather than what many do? If you ever learn one of your friends has abused a woman and the matter ends up in court, have the guts to speak out against him. Prioritise what is right rather than your friendship with your mate, otherwise your silence is collusion with an abuser.