Ask The Experts
With tax-relief advice
QMany years ago, I lived with a man who brought two kids to our relationship, and I was happy to look after them. But he soon became abusive, not only with violence but constant criticism and cruelty. I called the police and he was prosecuted. Since we weren’t married, his mother took the children and refused to stay in touch. I’ve been happily married for 20 years now, but one of his children recently got in touch. She said I abandoned her and blamed me for everything wrong in her life. With my husband’s support, I blocked her on social media. Now her brother has got in touch. He seems more reasonable and wants to be friends. I’m not sure what to do.
Suzie says
AIt would be lovely if we could all tie up loose ends and have a happily ever after. Alas, it seldom turns out that way. Send them both identical, carefully crafted letters. Tell them you did value looking after them, that they were in no way to blame for their father’s acts, that you did want to stay in contact but their grandmother disagreed. Say that it doesn’t seem appropriate for any of you to try to revive a relationship but you wish them the best. Leave it at that, and resist further requests.