Real Life My sister made me a mum
Tina Heinnickel can’t thank her big sister enough for all she’s done
My sister Jessica is two years older than me, and growing up, we had a stereotypical sister relationship – best friends one minute, then bickering the next over whose turn it was to pick what we watched on TV. Nowadays though, I’ve come to value her more than I ever thought possible.
As Jessica and I got older and left home, we lived independent lives, with Jessica meeting her husband and having children, while I worked as a photographer, and married my husband Jeremy in 2010. Like most newlyweds, talk between Jeremy and me soon turned to having children but after three years of trying without success, and fertility tests that were inconclusive, we began to worry I would never fall pregnant.
We started to use our savings to have IVF treatment. By now, Jessica and her husband Mike, 35, had two children, Addy, two, and a newborn, Emma, and Jeremy and I loved being Auntie and Uncle, but that longing for a child of our own was so intense. By January 2016, we’d harvested five healthy embryos and I’d had one implanted. Then 10 days later, I thought our run of bad luck was over for good when a pregnancy test was positive. I went through the next months, despite the nausea and tiredness, in a whirlwind of excitement and anticipation. We knew from tests
‘WE LONGED FOR OUR OWN CHILD’
that we were having a boy and seeing his tiny heartbeat flicker at each scan was incredible. We decided to name him Jack.
Everything felt perfect only, at 23 weeks, in June 2016, I suffered with terrible swelling, my face puffy and my ankles enormous. My doctor confirmed that my blood pressure had rocketed and I was suffering from pre-eclampsia – a serious condition in pregnancy that can be fatal if left untreated.
I was rushed to hospital, where doctors promised to do everything they could to keep Jack from being born before 24 weeks, when his chance of survival would be practically nil. But after a week in hospital, my doctor told me they needed to induce labour or I might not survive. Hours later, our tiny boy was born weighing just under 1lb. He was smaller than the palm of my hand. We had two precious hours with him, cuddling him, telling him how much we loved him, before he passed away in my arms, as if he was just falling asleep.
Afterwards, we were grief-stricken, overwhelmed by the pain of losing the
baby we’d waited so long for. In the weeks that followed, I thought about the four embryos we had left, but my consultant dashed any hopes of me ever carrying another child. There was a high chance my body wouldn’t cope and I could develop pre-eclampsia again.
Jeremy and I weren’t ready to give up on our dream to be parents, so we began researching surrogacy after ruling out adoption, as we really wanted a child that was biologically ours. But the surrogacy process wasn’t as straightforward as we’d hoped, and fears began to set in that it just wasn’t going to happen for us.
Stunning offer
One day in August 2016, I broke down to Jessica in her kitchen. ‘I’ve lost all hope,’ I said. It was just three months since we’d lost Jack and I thought our fate to remain childless was sealed. But then Jessica put her arms around me. ‘I want to carry your baby for you,’ she smiled.
Just like that, the dream I thought was gone forever became possible once again. Jessica explained that she and Mike had spoken about it and her mind was set. They’d recently had a third baby, Izzy, and she had textbook pregnancies with all three children. She had no qualms about doing it again for me. Of course there were things to discuss, like, would she feel comfortable handing the baby she’d carried over to me? But Jessica reassured me that she wanted to help me have a baby, not have another baby herself.
Jeremy was just as stunned and
elated as I was when I told him, and after, the four of us went for counselling sessions and medical tests and hired lawyers to draw up an agreement. When Jessica and I told our parents they were overwhelmed – delighted for me, but naturally worried about what Jessica, then 36, would be putting her body through for a fourth time.
It was another five months before we were ready for Jessica to have an embryo implanted, in January 2017. Two weeks later, while Jeremy and I were at Jessica and Mike’s house, she took a pregnancy test. It was positive. The four of us hugged, cried and laughed.
Overwhelming joy
I went with Jessica to every check-up and scan, and at 20 weeks, we discovered we were having a girl. But it wasn’t until Jessica was 35-weeks pregnant that I finally felt able to pack Jack’s little blanket and teddies away and paint the spare bedroom pink and green for our daughter, who we’d decided to call Reagan. While poor Jessica suffered the usual complaints of pregnancy – tiredness and aching muscles – I threw myself into my work, feeling helpless. ‘I wish I could take on all the discomfort myself,’ I told her, feeling a strange mix of guilt and envy as I snapped photos of her growing bump each week.
Finally, in September 2017, Jeremy, Mike and I piled into the delivery room while Jessica spent 12 hours in labour before Reagan was born, weighing 7lb 7oz.
As the midwife cut the cord, I felt overwhelmed with relief and happiness. Minutes later, she was passed to me for skin-to-skin contact and it’s a moment I will never forget. My beautiful baby was finally here. I was finally a mum. I couldn’t thank Jessica enough, and when she held Reagan, she told me how gorgeous she was. But she assured me there was no rush of maternal love, just the love of an adoring auntie. Jessica expressed milk for the first two weeks, but with three children of her own, she had to get back to them while Jeremy and I enjoyed being new parents. Months later, we paid for Jessica and Mike to go on holiday for their 10th wedding anniversary, but there’s really nothing either of us could do or say to thank her enough. Reagan is now a feisty three year old, who giggles when we tell her she used to live in Auntie Jessica’s belly. She’s even a big sister, after we found another surrogate through a friend and she gave birth to our son, Wyatt, in September 2019. Just like with Jessica and Reagan, the experience was incredible and I know how lucky we are. Though there have been times I’ve felt sad that I never got to experience full-term pregnancy, thanks to two amazing, selfless women, I’m a mum to two beautiful children and in the end, that’s all that matters.