Real Life A time to feel proud
June is Pride month, and to celebrate two women share their coming-out stories and explain why it’s crucial we don’t stop talking
‘I NEEDED TO START BEING TRUE TO MYSELF’
Zoey Allen, 39, lives in Cardiff with her wife Kelly, 39, and their two children, George, 11, and Molly, 10. Together, the couple run a handmade jewellery company, Kelzo, and a blog, at ourtransitionallife.com.
My wife Kelly is the person I trust the most, and I’ve always been able to tell her anything. But in December 2018, I had a secret to share with her that left me riddled with anxiety. I was terrified of losing her and our two children, George, then nine, and Molly, eight.
For 10 years, I’d been her husband, but now I needed to tell her that I wanted to be her wife instead. I wasn’t the man she’d married, in fact, I wasn’t a man at all. I’d been a woman all along, just trapped inside the wrong body.
Kelly and I met in March 2007 on a night out in Cardiff. We tied the knot in December 2008 and our children soon followed – George in 2009 and Molly in 2010. As a lead singer of a rock band, I often wore eyeliner and nail polish – a stark contrast against my tattoos, beard and shaved head. Wearing make-up was just part of my rock image, I told myself.
It was only in 2017, when I went back to university to study sound engineering, that I had time to reflect on my life. Growing up, I’d often felt confused about my identity, never feeling truly comfortable in my body.
But being raised in a strict, conservative home, my mother a teacher and father in the Army, I’d never had the courage to voice my feelings.
I’d suppressed everything until now. But I started reading about trans people and researching online when Kelly was out. Over the following year, I started wearing make-up and nail polish more often and on our 10th anniversary in December 2018, Kelly, then 36, and I threw an 80s-themed party, where I dressed as a roller-skating girl, complete with a tutu, blonde curly wig, leggings and a face full of make-up. I felt more like myself than ever before.
It was on New Year’s Eve that Kelly sat me down and asked me to tell her the truth. I couldn’t hide it any more. Tears rolled down my face as I confirmed that I was a woman, and that I needed to start being true to myself.
Over the next few weeks, we talked a lot when the children were asleep. Kelly asked some difficult questions, like whether I fancied men now, but I explained that my feelings towards her hadn’t changed.
She had moments of uncertainty, because while I was afraid of the unknown, so was she.
We bought books for the kids about being trans, and as I started presenting more as a woman, they said as long as I was happy, that was all that mattered.
In February, I legally changed my name to Zoey, a name that Kelly and I picked together, and as I came out to family and friends, I was met with mixed responses. Most friends were supportive, as was my mum, but sadly some people were unable to accept me.
In July 2019, I started taking oestrogen and a testosterone blocker, and I’ve started laser hair removal on my face. I’ve grown my hair, dyed it red and love experimenting with make-up. For the first time ever, I feel free.
I’m lucky to have such a supportive wife and family, and because of them I’m finally being true to myself.
‘GROWING UP, I’D FELT CONFUSED’