‘SOME RELATIVES HAVE REJECTED THE LIFE I LIVE’

Asha Clearwater, 53, is a content coach. She lives in Spalding with her wife Taz, 47. Looking back, I’d always been attracted to women. I had crushes on female friends as a teen, and was obsessed with Charlie’s Angels, especially Farah Fawcett. But with no female gay role models to look up to, I buried my feelings, and had my first boyfriend in my late teens.

Working as a journalist at a local paper in my early 20s, I met a man who I went on to marry in 1991. We were good friends and I loved him deeply, but physically, I knew I wasn’t attracted to him. Eventually, we both agreed we weren’t happy, so we amicably parted ways in January 1998.

Over the next few months, curious to explore my sexuality, I started reading a magazine for gay women. At the back were dating adverts. On a whim, I decided to call a number at the top of the page, leaving a message for a woman called Taz who I liked the sound of. She was looking for friendship, and that was what I needed too, and when I heard her voice after she left me a message in response, it sounded sexy.

We sent a few messages back and forth and hit it off. Taz, then 24, had recently come out of a relationship too and, like me, had never been in a relationship with another woman.

After a week of chatting, Taz and I arranged to meet and after our first date over a cup of coffee, I knew I liked her. Being around Taz felt easy, comfortable, and more importantly, right. I fancied her and that niggle I’d always had with previous partners that something was missing just wasn’t there.

Six months later Taz moved in with me. I didn’t tell my parents straight away although they met Taz several times, getting to know her under the guise of a lodger. But in January 1999, aged 31, I decided it was time.

I wanted to be honest with the people closest to me so I sat at my parents’ kitchen table and told them that Taz and I were in a relationship. My dad joked that he knew something had been going on, and while my mum was shocked, she was supportive. If anything, I wished I’d told them sooner.

In April 2014, Taz and I became the first gay couple to legally marry in Lincolnshire, having an intimate register office wedding with 40 guests, followed by a woodland wedding with more than 100 friends and family dressed in rainbow colours.

Although I feel lucky now, it hasn’t always been easy. Sometimes, we have to judge if it’s OK to hold hands in public, and some relatives have rejected the life I live.

It upsets me, because being gay shouldn’t be an issue, especially not in 2021. But there are still so many people suppressing their sexuality, and homophobic hate crimes continue to be a huge problem. But that is why it’s so important to talk about sexuality. The more open we are about it, the more positive change we’ll see.

‘BEING GAY SHOULDN’T BE AN ISSUE’