‘Creating a great relationship does take time and effort’

Charlie Bloom says: ‘From my own experience as a psychotherapist, I know how much work it takes to make a committed relationship last for the long term. The majority of people do not have the skills and tools they need to communicate in a healthy way and some may not have had the best examples of relationships to draw on. But, when Linda and I started experiencing problems in our own marriage, despite knowing how beneficial outside help can be, I was reluctant to seek it.

‘I was concerned that getting counselling or attending a couples’ retreat would diminish the trust and confidence that my clients and colleagues would have of me, and that they would feel less confident in my professional expertise if they found out. But, with Linda’s persuasion, I went along to couples’ counselling and I was surprised by how much it changed the way I viewed things.

‘Like so many people, I’d gone along believing that if only the other person would change their ways then things would be OK, reluctant to accept my share of the responsibility in our failing relationship.

‘But with the help of the workshop’s leaders, I quickly realised that I had a big part to play, too. Whenever Linda aired her worries or resentments, instead of listening, I’d become defensive, even aggressive, and I’d interrupt her and shout over her. During the workshop, we both learnt how to communicate our feelings to each other without blame or judgement.

‘It was hard at first, to keep my mouth shut and just listen to Linda while she spoke, but I knew that our relationship was on the line and that if I didn’t learn the lessons that I was there to learn, our marriage would be over and our family would disintegrate. I did not want that to happen. It was hard for me to break lifelong habits that I had been practising and perfecting for years, decades even.

‘I learnt that when you really want something, sometimes you’ve got to be willing to go out of your comfort zone in order to get it, and I really wanted to make my marriage work.

‘Things like practising self-restraint, getting emotionally vulnerable, fessing up when I knew that I was wrong and apologising when I did or said something that I regretted has not been easy.

I learnt a lot through the help that we received from some very gifted and committed teachers. Although Linda and I have had some hard lessons to learn and some hard work to do, I can honestly say that the end result for each of us has not only been worth the effort, but it has given us both riches greater than either of us had ever imagined. And it just keeps getting better!’