Is he abusive or just difficult?

QMy husband used to be a kind and generous man, but over the last few years he’s become increasingly difficult. If we get an invitation to spend time with friends or family he’ll refuse to come, but if I want to go, he says that he would feel left out, lonely and I should consider his feelings. A friend tells me he’s being emotionally abusive, but surely that’s too strong a word to use?

SUZIE SAYS

AIsolating you and making you feel bad about doing the things you want to do are classic forms of emotional abuse. If he had always been like this, or allowed his true behaviour to show after some time of lulling you into thinking he was OK, I’d say get out now. This form of control can be dangerous and result in emotional or physical harm. But you say kindness and generosity has always been his usual behaviour. Maybe you’re seeing the result of ageing, and increased anxiety about his health, your relationship, or even the early days of dementia. Tell him you’re worried about him and book a check-up with your GP.