‘I WAS FURIOUS WHEN HE WENT ON SEX STRIKE’
Photo studio manager Nik Mccormack, 41, lives with her heating engineer husband Jamie, 43, and their children, aged 10 and eight, in Harlow, Essex.
Five years ago, Jamie suddenly said I wasn’t pulling my weight around the house. I don’t know what prompted him – even though it was true – but he kicked up a real fuss and said I had to do at least 20% of the chores. It was a bit of a blow!
He knew what I was like when we married, but he did have a point. Personally, I don’t massively care if things aren’t ship-shape, and can easily turn a blind eye to a smeary mirror. But Jamie claims tidying is therapeutic, and says he can’t relax unless everything looks nice.
I was hoping I could get away with some cursory dusting for a couple of weeks and he’d forget I didn’t really do anything, but then he told me he was going on a sex strike until I did more. We usually make love five to six times a week, so I was furious. Wouldn’t that hurt him as much as me?
But he wouldn’t budge, saying unless I started actually putting in some effort I wouldn’t be getting any bedroom fun!
I told my mates, expecting them to be on my side, but most said he had a point. Even when I explained that I was out most of the day at the photo studio and he worked fewer hours, they just said I should appreciate Jamie for cleaning. Those who had slovenly partners were even talking about trying Jamie’s tactic themselves!
Jamie’s threats worked and, after three days of no sex, I relented. Now he usually demands I do chores first when the house is especially messy and he’s been busy at work. Then he’ll say it’s my turn to clean the kitchen, give me a list of rooms to tidy and tell me the fridge needs a once-over.
If I refuse, he’ll withhold sex. He’s very particular, and even tells me what cleaning kit to use. After, I’m very well rewarded, so it’s worth it. And there’s something quite sexy about earning my bedroom time with my man, because it means we are both less stressed and more focused on each other.
Jamie says: ‘There’s nothing better than coming back to a neat home, and I consider it very masculine to be a super-cleaner. But Nik often lets the side down by leaving dirty dishes everywhere, not tidying up properly and leaving the bedroom a mess.
‘That’s why I use a sex ban to ensure she does her share. One night, I’d got in from work and the house was a mess after I left it tidy. Nik was feeling amorous, so I took a tough-love approach. It keeps the spark alive and reminds Nik how much effort I put into keeping the house looking great.’
‘Jamie’s threats worked’
SERVES 4 PREP 15 MINS COOK 25 MINS
✱ 150g spaghetti
✱ 400g can chopped tomatoes in juice
✱ 200ml passata
✱ 10g vegetable stock cube, crumbled
✱ 2 × 500g bags frozen sliced peppers TO SERVE: (OPTIONAL)
✱ Extra virgin olive oil, for drizzling
✱ Frozen baguette
1 Place the spaghetti in a clean tea towel and break up into small pieces using a rolling pin.
2 Place the tomatoes, passata, stock cube, peppers and 500ml water into a large saucepan. Bring to a simmer.
3 Add the spaghetti, mix well and simmer for 15 mins or until the spaghetti is cooked. You may need to add a little more water.
4 Season with salt and pepper. Add vinegar and sugar to taste to balance the flavours.
5 Serve in deep bowls with a swirl of extra virgin olive oil and the cooked baguette.
Per Serving: 261 cals, 4g fat (1g saturated), 43g carbohydrates