The experts

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Why won’t he have sex with me?

QWe’ve been having a passionate affair for six months. The only thing that puzzles me is that we do everything in and out of bed you can imagine, except full sex. He’s married with two children and he says he and his wife haven’t slept together for years. I’m wondering whether he holds back because she’s made him feel inadequate.

SUZIE SAYS

AIt’s far more likely to be because he thinks it doesn’t class as an affair if you don’t have penetrative sex. Or, to be really blunt, he could be doing this because you’re not his only lover and he’s avoiding full sex to dodge the risks of sexual infection. Sorry to disappoint you, but he’s almost certainly lying to you about his wife as much as he’s lying to her about you. This affair may seem like fun at the moment but you run some real risks if you carry on, both to your health and to your feelings.

Am I any good in bed?

QI’ve started a very new friendship – in fact, we only met two weeks ago. We got sexual very quickly and I’m loving it, but I’m not sure whether he feels the same. This isn’t about whether we’re serious or not, as I know it’ll take time to find that out. But I’m really unsure whether I’m pleasing my man in bed, and if not, what I can do differently. Have you any hints on working out what’s happening?

SUSAN SAYS

AHere are my guidelines. If your new man’s giving compliments, he’s probably happy. But if he’s not saying much, look at his actions. Is he keen to go to bed? Finding it easy to get turned on and

orgasm reliably? That said, nerves could mean he needs time to get into you. I’d assume he’s content – but if in a few weeks you’re still unsure, then start a conversation about how to increase the joy.

I refuse to talk to my partner

QWe live in a cul-de-sac and everyone is friendly. A family moved in a few months ago and while we all love them, my husband has come up with a string of baseless complaints that culminated in him telling our residents group they shouldn’t be here because they don’t fit in. None of us could see what he was on about until our next door neighbour said, ‘It’s their colour, isn’t it?’ When my husband sputtered a denial he was asked to leave. I was mortified and won’t speak to him.

SUZIE SAYS

You need to have a conversation with him, finding out his true views and why he feels this way. If it’s as you fear, that he is bigoted, then you have some hard choices. You can’t change him, only he can. He may be prepared to tackle his prejudiced beliefs if