‘PRESSURES OF EVERYDAY LIFE CAUSED SOME ALMIGHTY STORMS’

Emma Bara, 51, lives in Ilford, Essex.

I’d never considered myself to have a temper until a boyfriend called me ‘Hot Heart’. It surprised me, but then, I’m not one to put up and shut up for the sake of a quiet life. I met David, a teacher, in 2005, and we married the following year. A son, then a daughter, followed.

However, the pressures of everyday life could cause some almighty storms between us. Part of the reason for our arguments was that I gave up work to look after the children – they both have special needs. There were times when I was envious of David as he left the house to go to work, although as a teacher and lecturer specialising in special needs himself, life wasn’t easy for him, either. Tension would build between us and inevitably blow in a big venting session. Even taking a holiday was difficult because so many places weren’t suitable for our children. In 2018, when they were 10 and eight, we went camping in France and got chatting to another couple in a similar position. ‘If only there was more understanding for families like ours,’ we agreed. A seed was sown, and David and I set up a company to work on improving accessibility for children with visible and hidden disabilities.

Parenthood and homeworking brought new challenges, especially when we were cooped up together in lockdown. Sometimes, my resentment would overspill. ‘I’m just so tired,’ David said one morning. ‘Tired?’ I stormed. ‘Try doing what I do every day!’ ‘I feel exactly the same,’ he answered. Something clicked. I realised we hadn’t been listening to each other for years. Rather than escalating to a yelling match, we went for a walk. Getting outside cleared the air, physically and mentally, and we were able to talk. ‘I know living and working together can be a strain,’ David told me. ‘But I wanted to create this company to get the old you back.’ That touched me, and I vowed to remember that when I next felt angry. We still have flashpoints, but I don’t feel they do us any harm. A row can mean that we need time to work things out. Post-barney is often when we move forward best.

✱ Find out about the Baras’ company at academy.wecanaccess.com