The way I see it: ‘I’m too sexy to find love!’ One woman reveals why she can’t find a man
Dawn Cousins, 44, says her good looks are the reason she can’t find a nice man
Walking up to the bar, I could practically feel the men turning to stare. From freshfaced youngsters to desperate divorcés, I knew exactly what they were thinking – how they’d love to have a girl like me on their arm.
And who could blame them? I look hot. But while having men fall at your feet thanks to your good looks might sound great, it’s more of a curse.
At 44, with four grown-up children, I’m over being someone’s trophy girl, but men my age or older say they can’t trust me because of my looks.
I’m like the Goldilocks of dating. Too young, too old, too insecure… nobody’s right for me. It sounds bad, but it’s true – I’m just too hot for love.
Loving the attention
I haven’t always been this picky. At 18 I loved getting attention from men in clubs. Nothing boosts the ego like watching a fit guy saunter over and offer to buy you a drink.
But I wasn’t out to find lasting love, I was all about having fun with my friends. So when I met Richard in summer 1991, I had no idea how hard and fast I would fall for him. He was so charming and handsome, and what started as flirting, then a string of dates, ended up with me staring at a positive pregnancy test in January 1992.
It was certainly quite a shock, but Richard and I were ecstatic as well. In September 1992 our daughter Sapphia was born, followed by
‘Too young, too old, too insecure – nobody’s right for me’
‘They didn’t want me near their husbands’
Yasmin two years later.
People said being a mum would take its toll on my body, but I was lucky. If it wasn’t for the prams and bags of nappies I had to lug around, you’d never have known I had two kids. But sadly that didn’t stop my relationship with Richard from crumbling. By 1996 we’d split. Suddenly I found myself a single mum. It was terrifying.
But I never lacked male attention, and by 1997 I’d started dating a lovely man named Alan. He became a father figure to my girls, and in May 1998 we found out we were expecting twins of our own.
Amber and Ryan were born in February 1999. Alan was a brilliant dad. But the cracks were starting to show in our relationship and in 2002 we split. At 29, I found myself single and alone again – but now with four children.
Drifting apart
My clubbing friends were starting to settle down and have babies too. Only they had loving husbands to help them. I couldn’t help but wonder what I’d done wrong. Over the next few years we saw less and less of each other. I told myself it was because we were all busy. Then one day I met one of them in the street. Pushing a pram in baggy jeans and a stained sweater, she looked exhausted. And as she smiled, I saw the envy in her eyes. Aged 35, I still looked as slim and youthful as when I was 20. It made sense now why they didn’t want me near them or their husbands – they were jealous.
So I threw myself into making new, single friends through my job as a carer. On nights out, men would swarm around me. And it wasn’t just the older ones; I’d get 18-yearolds, probably thinking I was some sexy twentysomething student.
As my children became teenagers, it was embarrassing when their friends started to fancy me. ‘Your sister’s fit,’ one boy said to Sapphia when they were 16. ‘Ew, that’s my mum!’ she said, disgusted.
It’s harder than ever now that I’m 44 and still looking like a woman half my age. The young ones are getting younger, the older ones are getting sleazier. And the nice ones? If they do exist, they’re still scared to approach me, or are worried that I’ll cheat.
At least experience has made me wise. I know which ones to ditch and which ones to stick with now. My kids say they want me to find a nice man, but when I’m still being mistaken for their sibling I don’t know how likely that is. I’m a relationship person at heart, though, so what choice do I have but to keep on trying?
But believe me, looking young and gorgeous isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Given the choice between finding true love or being beautiful, I’d choose the former any day. ●