Shock read: Raped by a stranger but we kept the baby
After a random and brutal attack, Jennifer Christie, 42, and her husband made a life-changing decisioné
‘I’d broken fingers from trying to fight off my rapist’
Lugging my suitcase out of the car, i shivered as i pulled my coat around me. it was January 2014 and i was away on business, working as a sign language interpreter.
i loved my job, but rarely spent time away from my husband, Jeff, and our children Julia, 16, spencer, 14, Mackenzie, 11, and noah, eight. it was mid-afternoon, so the kids would be finishing school, racing off to their dance and football practices, before settling in for a family movie night. i couldn’t help but feel gloomy i’d be spending the rest of the day in a hotel room.
i’d never stayed at this particular hotel before and, as the snow settled, i rushed to get inside. dropping my bags by my door, i was so busy fumbling with my key card that i didn’t notice the man who had followed me. it was only when i got into the room, and turned to close the door, that i saw him, standing motionless in the doorway.
Terrifying attack
My first thought was that he must be lost. But then, his fist hurtled towards my face. i screamed in agony, but he slammed the door behind us. ‘Please, don’t hurt me,’ i begged, as he pushed me to the floor.
i tried to fight back, scratching and punching at his face, but the next thing i knew i was lying on my front, a shooting pain in my cheek as he slammed my face into the carpet. as he pulled my trousers down and forced himself on top of me, the pain tore through my body. ‘Please,’ i said silently to myself. ‘Just let me die.’ then everything went black.
i don’t know how long i was out, but when i woke up, i was lying halfway down a flight of stairs. looking down, i was naked except for my bra. then, suddenly, i felt the warmth of a coat covering my body and a woman’s face appeared – i could tell by the uniform that it was one of the hotel cleaners.
i was rushed to a&e but, in and out of consciousness, i can only recall snippets of what happened next. i remember the medics gasping in shock at my injuries, and explaining i had broken fingers from trying to fight off my rapist. i can still smell the perfume of the nurse who held my hand as police gathered evidence from my body.
i don’t know who called him, but when Jeff arrived at my bedside, he held me in his arms, and tears fell down my face. ‘We’ll get through this,’ he promised.
Back at home, to explain my fractured ribs and bruised face, we told the children i’d been in a car accident. i was too scared to leave the house and at night i’d see my attacker’s face in my dreams.
Struggling to cope
Jeff tried to be stoic – he’d gently kiss my forehead as he tucked me into bed at night, but i knew he was hurting too. he thought i couldn’t hear him sobbing in the shower. apart from helping the police with their enquiries, i didn’t want to see or speak to anyone, but five weeks later, in February 2015, i began suffering from sickness and had no choice but to go to the doctor. ‘is there any chance you could be pregnant?’ she asked. instinctively i shook my head – Jeff had undergone a vasectomy after i’d had noah. only then, i froze. ‘i was raped last month,’ i blurted. it was the first
time i had said it aloud and it made it feel so real – like i was a victim. ‘We need to do a pregnancy test,’ the doctor said gently. as we waited for the result, i tried to think back. had i taken the morning-after pill at the hospital? i was so traumatised, i couldn’t remember. and then, the faint line appeared – a positive result.
the doctor looked at me, her face white with shock, but i didn’t feel any fear. i know many people would have found the idea of keeping this baby unthinkable but for the first time since i’d been raped, i felt i had control. this was my body and my baby. While i couldn’t protect myself from attack, i could protect this child.
to be sure, the doctor performed an ultrasound scan. When i saw the tiny pea-shaped blob on the monitor, i wrapped my arms around my tummy and smiled.
i wasn't nervous when i called Jeff. i knew that, like me, he’d want to give this baby a wonderful, loving life. When i revealed the news, he didn’t hesitate. ‘this is a gift,’ he said.
Keeping positive
sadly, not everyone shared our enthusiasm. i told my friends the truth – we knew our child might not look like either of us, and they knew Jeff had undergone a vasectomy. and, while they wanted to be supportive, they were stunned. how could i ever love a child that was conceived by a monster? What if i recognised my attacker’s face in our baby? and yet, to Jeff and i, none of that mattered. after so much trauma, our unborn child gave us something positive to focus on. every time i pictured my attacker – who was still out there somewhere – i’d look at my bump and feel a sense of calm. Jeff came to all my scans, and carried the grainy images around in his wallet. all the children were so excited – even when we told our daughter Julia, then 16, the truth, she simply said that she would love her new sibling just like her other brothers.
then, in september 2014, i went to hospital for a c-section. as i was being prepped for theatre doubt crept into my mind. ‘What if we’re wrong?’ i asked Jeff. ‘What if i can’t love our baby?’ But he looked me in the eyes and said, ‘You know you will.’
and, he was right. When our son oliver was born, and i heard his first cries, i felt that same rush of love i had done with all my other children. ‘he’s beautiful,’ Jeff sobbed, as he gazed into his bright blue eyes – the exact same shade as mine. oliver was a joy – he loved cuddles, and when i looked at his face, i wasn’t reminded of my ordeal, all i felt was love.
But the police still had no leads on my attacker and i’d often find myself in the supermarket, scanning the faces of the other shoppers for the man who hurt me. it was Jeff that suggested we moved to a new city and i agreed – it was time for a fresh start.
Finally i was able to put the rape out of my mind. that is, until July 2017, when the phone rang. it was one of the officers on my rape case. ‘Your attacker is dead,’ he said.
i listened as the officer explained that my rapist had raped and killed two more women after me. the dna on their bodies had matched my attacker’s. one of the victim’s families had wanted revenge, and stabbed him to death. at first, i was horrified. i thought of those two women, whose lives had been cut short by this monster. But i felt relief too – a weight had been lifted. i was finally safe. he couldn’t hurt me, or any other women, again.
now, oliver is three years old. he loves dinosaurs and playing football with his brothers, and he is Jeff’s biggest fan. ‘daddy, put on a puppet show for me!’ he begs every night, to which Jeff happily obliges.
i know there will be lots of questions to be answered – i want to be honest with oliver. But whatever challenges we might face, i know that we did the right thing in bringing him into the world. he’s not my rapist’s baby, he’s mine, and he’s Jeff’s too. We love him unconditionally.
‘How could I love a child conceived by a monster?’