I hate being a babysitter

Mum-of-two Anita Naik has been an agony aunt for 25 years

Q At Christmas I always feel like I have to see my parents when really I just want to be with friends. I’m 48 years old and single. My parents aren’t alone and always have my two sisters and their kids and partners over, and for me that’s part of the problem. I get asked to help with the kids all day long as I am single and they say they are tired. I’m fed up with the role everyone gives me, but I feel too guilty to say no. Gill, 48, Glasgow A I think most of us have designated family roles that we don’t like, and these always come to light at family gatherings and events like Christmas. There are two ways to handle this. You could tell your parents you will come after the big day for some alone time with them and have the Christmas you want, for a change. or tell your family you’re fed up with being asked to be the go-to babysitter. As it’s Christmas, I would favour the first, less confrontational approach, as it’s easier all round. As for the guilt, put it into perspective. You’ve had 48 festive days with your family – one on your own without them won’t hurt.

We rarely have sex any more

Q My partner and I started dating last December and it was wonderful. But our sex life was only great for two months, then he went cold on me. When we do have sex now, he’s not very loving or nice and I often feel like he’s using me. He can also be hurtful, saying cruel things, and yet he says he cares about me. How can I fix this? Lisa, 51, London A I know you are hoping that the good times will return, but the outlook isn’t good. The horrible way this man is treating you indicates that he doesn’t care at all. And, if he does, it’s a warped kind of caring that you could do without. Rather than fixing things, show him the door and be rid of him once and for all.