shock read: his wife got a microwave… i got a designer gown
Mistress Maria-louise Warne, 59, makes sure she’s the only one her lover splashes out oné
As I wander around the department store, my eyes widen as I spot a diamondencrusted ring. ‘It’s beautiful!’ I gasp, getting a closer look.
as i start to imagine it on my finger, i pull out my phone and take a picture at every angle. later that evening, i snuggle next to my partner, Jonathon*. and, flicking through the pictures, i smile sweetly. ‘i know what i’d like santa to bring me,’ i wink.
You might think i sound spoilt, but the truth is i deserve to be showered with gifts. because, on christmas day, i won’t toast champagne with Jonathon or sit opposite him as we tuck into turkey with all our extended relatives. instead, i’ll spend a miserable day by myself, while he celebrates with his wife and their two children…
i can imagine the names you’re calling me – a home-wrecker, a liar, a cheat. but i don’t care what anyone thinks. i love Jonathon with all my heart and the expensive gifts i demand – far better than the ones he gives to his wife – are my consolation prize for spending the day without the man i love.
i never planned to be the other woman. Not so long ago, i was happily married. then, one afternoon in march 2008, i came home from my estate agent’s job to find a note from my husband, saying he’d left me. there was no one else – he’d just had enough of our life together.
i don’t know how long i stood there, frozen in shock, before i poured myself a large glass of wine. as i slumped on the sofa, i flicked through photo albums of us – so happy – and sobbed. What was i going to do now?
in the months that followed, i’d cry at random moments and spend my evenings staring at the tv. single for the first time at 50 years old, i didn’t know how to move on with my life.
then, in august 2009, i bumped into my neighbour, Jonathon, at the greengrocer’s. When he asked how i was coping, i couldn’t stop the tears falling. ‘i’m struggling,’ i confessed.
taking pity on me, Jonathon offered to take me out for dinner. We’d never said more than a polite ‘hello’ as we
‘I never planned to be the other woman’
passed each other in the street before. but i reasoned there was no harm in getting out of the house and, besides, Jonathon was married with two children – this would be nothing more than a friendly meal.
so i accepted his offer and, a few days later, we met at the local pub. i couldn’t believe how much we had in common – from our love of jazz music to our interest in politics. and, as he sat opposite me, i couldn’t tear my gaze from his deep brown eyes – he was gorgeous.
i reminded myself he was married and yet, as we left the pub, my pulse began to race as i felt his hand on the small of my back, leading me outside. as we said goodbye, Jonathon held me close. Perhaps it was the warm summer’s evening, or the red wine, but before i knew it we were kissing.
i know i should have pushed him away, but it felt so good to be desired again. i walked home in a daze and that night, as i lay in bed, i couldn’t stop thinking about Jonathon. ‘i have to see him again,’ i thought.
so i did whatever i could to ‘accidentally’ bump into him. First, i altered my jogging route to go past his house and, as he worked at a hospital, i’d make sure i booked appointments to see him.
it was three weeks later, when i’d gone to see him with yet another faked illness, that i made a confession.
‘You do know i’m not really ill?’ i said, blushing. there was silence and then, suddenly, we were kissing again.
the truth is, i didn’t feel guilty. Jonathon was the one with a wife and children – not me. it was his decision to be unfaithful. so, i willingly agreed to meet at his office or my house for a steamy rendezvous. but it was more than just sex – i was falling in love.
Champagne picnics
While it may sound strange, i never asked him to leave his wife – i enjoyed being the mistress. While he and his wife did mundane things like the food shop or parents’ evening, for me, every moment with Jonathon was exciting. he’d come to my house unannounced with chocolates and champagne, and we’d share picnics on my living-room floor. but, as christmas approached, i started to feel down. i’d see couples strolling hand in hand, picking out presents or admiring the twinkly lights, and feel so jealous. i wasn’t dating anyone else so it was Jonathon that i longed to do all those things with. of course, i knew he had to spend the day with his family, but i won't deny there was a part of me hoping he'd change his mind and appear at my door. so, on 25 december, instead of visiting my own friends, i opened presents alone at my house. i treated myself to a lovely bubble bath, but nothing could take my mind off the fact that i was spending the day without Jonathon. all i got was a text message. i consoled myself by assuming that Jonathon would shower me with gifts. and so, when he arrived at my house a few weeks later, with a beautifully wrapped present, i felt my heart race. but as i peeled off the golden wrapper, i found an ugly pink coffee pot.
immediately, the rage bubbled up inside me. ‘What’s this?’ i cried. before i knew it, i’d thrown it to the floor, where it smashed into pieces.
as i thought of the christmas day i’d endured, my chest heaved with sobs. i’d expected some sparkly jewellery or a designer handbag, not a supermarket coffee pot. ‘this is the kind of present you get for your wife,’ i said sternly. ‘Not your mistress.’
Jonathon left the house in silence, but when he returned a few days later, he was armed with yet another gift. this time, when i tore open the paper to find a set of lingerie, i smiled.
as our affair continued, Jonathon continued to buy me gifts – a silk scarf or diamond earrings. When i went shopping, i’d take pictures of things i liked and show them to him.
he’d tell his wife they were tightening their budget, meaning she wouldn’t get birthday or anniversary gifts, but i’d always be presented with the things i asked for. and yes, a part of me felt she deserved the harsh treatment – a punishment for keeping him away from me.
that following christmas, when Jonathon told me he was getting his wife a microwave, i scoffed. ‘You’re not getting me something like that,’ i warned. and, sure enough, that year i had a silk designer dress waiting for me under the tree.
It’s a tough job
Now, Jonathon and i have been together for almost 10 years, and i’ve never loved anyone like him. but, being a mistress is a tough job. my friends disapprove of what i'm doing, so i can't talk to them about how i feel, i can’t call Jonathon on the phone and we can’t go out in public. i long for him to leave his wife, but, deep down, i know we’ll never get married. i spend my life waiting around for him – i get all dressed up, hoping he can sneak out to see me, but often he never does.
so, yes, i do demand expensive gifts. last year, i got perfume, while his wife got nothing. but i don’t feel bad for her. if it meant spending christmas day with Jonathon, i’d be happy with no gifts, too.
‘He’d tell his wife they were tightening their budget’