‘There are so many commitmentphobic men’

Lynn Anderton, 56, is a life coach from the Wirral, Cheshire. She is divorced, with a grown-up son.

I’ve been very badly hurt by a man who didn’t want to commit. This whole dating game is very confusing for me – there are so many commitment-phobic men out there.

Vulnerable

Basically, there’s just too much choice for them with dating apps and social media. I’m a very honest and trusting person and I don’t want a fly-by-night relationship.

I was married for 23 years. It ended when I was 46. I was very vulnerable at that time, but felt that I had to get back into the dating game.

I met another man on a dating website. He’d just come out of a long marriage too. He was immediately full-on. He’d say things like, ‘You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.’

He swept me off my feet and, being so vulnerable, I thought I was in love with him. We dated for nine months, and then he moved in with me – all at his instigation.

Then it was as if a switch had been turned off. Even though we were living in the same house, he became very distant with me. He said he needed some space.

I was deeply hurt and he moved out. Then, after a few months, he said he missed me and we started seeing each other again. But a pattern was emerging – classic commitmentphobia behaviour. Just 14 months later he became distant and said he didn’t know if our relationship was working.

Wary of love

I was all over the place. I’d allowed myself to fall in love with this man. We broke up, and he disappeared.

His father died when he was very young and I think he was scared of deep feelings.

I licked my wounds for about 18 months, then got back into dating. But I am very wary. I’ve put up barriers not there before.

‘There’s too much choice for them’