18 months TO CHANGE MY LIFE
It should have been the best day of her life, but squeezed into a size 28 dress Hayley Dobson, 34, felt anything but beautiful
Pulling my stomach in, I smiled at the dozens of faces watching me shuffle down the aisle towards my husband-to-be Neil. It was August 2009 and I should have felt beautiful. But wearing a size 28 dress, with my rolls of fat pressed tightly into a corset and a jacket covering my chubby arms, all I could think was, ‘Why on earth does Neil want to marry someone like me?’
I’d always been the biggest pupil in my class, the fattest friend, the girl with the most chins and the largest arms. But because I’d been overweight for so long, I’d learnt to accept it. I loved food – I’d ask for seconds of my mum’s cooking, and at the sweet shop, unable to decide between chocolate and sweets, I’d spend my pocket money on both.
Emotional eater
As I got bigger I felt even more hideous. And so, food became my crutch. I’d eat when I felt sad, which in turn made me pile on even more weight. I was trapped in a vicious – and desperately unhealthy – cycle. By the time I reached my 20s, I was a size 18. At 5ft 8in, I’d try to mask my wide frame with baggy tunic dresses and long sleeves, while other girls flaunted their slim figures in fitted skirts and crop tops. I remember feeling so jealous, but, convinced that losing weight would be too mammoth a task, I never tried. While my friends started dating, I was certain no one would ever want to be with me. But then, not long after my 22nd birthday in 2005, Neil, who worked at the same supermarket as me, asked me out.
From the moment we started dating, Neil saw past my weight. ‘You look beautiful,’ he’d tell me. Within six months, we’d moved in together. But living together and Neil’s compliments only meant I slipped into a comfortable routine – gorging on takeaways and family-sized bags of sweets and chocolate.
I was soon wearing a size 24 but I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing how much I weighed, so I refused to step on the scales.
One evening in May 2008, as I sat on the sofa in the living room, Neil got down on one knee and held out a sparkling diamond ring. I said yes immediately. I loved that he knew me so well – he knew I’d never have wanted a public proposal, making me the centre of attention. But it soon dawned on me, that’s exactly what I’d be at the
‘With no willpower i soon found my resolve wavering’
wedding. Flicking through bridal magazines a few days later, all the models were so thin and wearing beautiful fitted dresses. ‘I’ll never look like them,’ I said aloud, slamming the magazine shut. But it made me realise, I couldn’t ignore my problems any more.
Over the next few months I tried every faddy diet possible, but with no willpower I’d soon find my resolve wavering. ‘I’ll try again on Monday,’ I told myself, as I dialled the number of the Chinese takeaway.
By the time of the dress fitting a few months later, I hadn’t lost a single pound. Neil’s mum, my mum and my sister watched as the store assistant unveiled
the first dress. It was a size 28 and I only just squeezed into it. I was mortified when she told me there were only three dresses available in my size. ‘You look great,’ my mum said, when I settled for a white dress with lace bodice and satin panels. But I felt hideous.
Hiding away
My hen do, in July 2009, was just as humiliating. My friends opted for coconut bras and short tasselled skirts for the Hawaiianthemed night, while I wore a huge, flowery shirt. Usually on nights out, I’d hide in the background, but I didn’t have any choice this time. I tried to enjoy myself but I was terrified people were looking at me – I knew I was the fattest girl in the room. When my wedding day finally arrived, I was the biggest I’d ever been, stuffed into the size 28 dress. Everyone commented on how beautiful I looked, but I couldn’t help wondering how they could possibly mean it. ‘I’m the size of a house,’ I groaned to Neil as we sat down for dinner at the reception. ‘Don’t be silly,’ he said. But I spent the evening ducking out of sight of cameras – something that’s not easy when it’s your wedding. Of course, I couldn’t escape them all. And, when the professional photos arrived a few weeks later, Neil and I sat down to go through them. It was even worse than I’d imagined. In every single picture, my hulking figure took up most of the shots. As much as I’d enjoyed my day, I felt that my weight had ruined it. As the years passed, I became more depressed about the way I looked. I tried diets but I couldn’t stick to anything.
Lightbulb moment
In February 2016, I woke up one day and for a reason I still can’t explain, I decided it was time I made drastic changes. ‘I’m going to do it,’ I told Neil as I sat down to find a number for my local Slimming World group. Walking through the door the following week was terrifying.
I didn’t dare look at the dial as I stepped on the scales, but my consultant wrote my weight on a piece of paper, which I looked at when I got home. Seeing 20st 3lb written down, I had to hold back the tears. But, as embarrassed as I felt, it only spurred me on. I ditched takeaways for healthy meals like chicken with vegetables or tuna salads, and in the first two weeks I lost 8lb. Two weeks later, I’d shed 1st 7lb. I had so much more energy and every time I looked in the mirror, my confidence grew a little. As the weight dropped off, I started to exercise, even taking part in the Race for Life 5k.
By December 2017, I was down to 12st 5lb and when I went shopping, I wasn’t looking for plus-sizes anymore, instead I’d pick up a size 10-12. Now, I’ve lost almost 8st. Neil says I look fantastic and now I know he truly means it. We’ve even decided to renew our vows next August – 10 years on from our wedding. This time, I’ll be wearing a strapless, fitted dress with a fishtail.
It’s bizarre to think that I spent so long unhappy when all it would have taken me was 18 months to change my life. But I try not to have any regrets – these days I prefer to focus on all the good things to come.
‘i felt that my weight had ruined my big day’