Our columnist Dawn Neesom has her say
Let me be the first person to wish you a very happy Christmas. Although, truth be told, I’m probably not, am I? Because before you’ve even carved a Halloween pumpkin or lit your Fireworks Night sparkler, you can’t move for festive tat. Just nipping to the supermarket for a few bits means running the gauntlet of mince pies, boxes of chocolate biscuits and stacks of Quality Street tins. By the time we get to 24 December, we’re so Santa’d out that if the jolly old chap did pop down the chimney, we’d probably slap him.
Marks & Sparks, who really should know better, started with the Christmas cards in September. Right next to the back-to-school stationery. Now every shop you go into has a winter blunder land display full of festive food that goes out of date in November!
Then there’s the Christmas buffet party food, where everything is miniaturised in size, maximised in price and several zillion calories per mouthful. Iceland has just launched its festive range of nibbles. The Christmas Tree flavour crisps in particular caught my eye. I mean, who the hell ate the Christmas tree to discover what the taste should be? I was ‘lucky’ enough to try them while guesting on Channel 5’s brilliant Jeremy Vine show. And I can safely report back that they taste, um, like plain crisps.
Not sure Jeremy himself was that impressed as he ended up chucking a bag at me. Yep, I have that effect on men. Still, at only £1 for a family bag, they’re at least good fun. And you can wash them down with the new Coca Cola Zero Cinnamon. No, I’m really not making this stuff up, honest. So now all we’ve got to do is grow a pair of baubles and rise above hysterical consumerism that is the next two months. Toffee Penny anyone?
‘We’re so Santa’d out, if the jolly old chap did pop down the chimney, we’d probably slap him.’