My job made me fat
Kirsty Martin, 45, had to make a series of drastic changes and decisions in order to transform her life
The sweet aroma of the freshly baked chocolate cakes filled the room and I felt my stomach grumble with hunger. ‘I know what I’m having for lunch,’ I laughed to my colleague as we took the cakes off the hot trays and boxed them up. Just a few minutes later I had scoffed two, unable to resist their delicious scent. I’d been working in my local bakery for seven years and, while I loved my job, my lack of self control meant that it wasn’t having a good effect on my weight.
I’d always carried a few extra pounds and been big for my 5ft 5in frame, but after having my children, Caitlin in September 1991 and Ellie in November 2000, I really lost control of it. Like most children, the girls were fussy eaters, and whenever they’d leave food on their plates, I’d pick at their leftover fish fingers and chicken nuggets.
Then in July 2003, I saw a job posting for a server at a local bakery. The hours fitted in perfectly with the school run. I arrived on my first day just as they were taking the first batch of croissants out of the oven. Seeing the rows of flaky, golden pastries, my stomach churned. ‘Help yourself to whatever you like,’ the manager said. ‘Just put it through the till.’
So began my daily pastry habit. How could I resist when I was surrounded by the smells and sights of the bakery all day? And it wasn’t just the croissants – I loved smelling the freshly baked beef steak pies and chocolate brownies, too.
But rather than balance it out with fresh salads and soups at home, I continued to gorge on Chinese takeaways or pizza and a glass of wine. ‘Today’s already a write-off,’ I’d tell myself. ‘I’ll eat healthier tomorrow.’ Only the next day I’d do exactly the same.
Although the weight was piling on, I chose to ignore it.
By the time I met my partner, Paul, at a pub in South Shields in 2005, I was a size 20 and weighed 21st. He was registered blind and I joked that at least he couldn’t see how big I was. ‘You’re perfect to me,’ he’d say, putting his arms around me.
We got married in 2007 and a year later our son Harri was born. But in the weeks after the birth, Harri was diagnosed with congenital cataracts and had to have an eye operation at four weeks old. Unable to help my baby, I spiralled into a cycle of anxiety and exhaustion. My fraught mind would keep me awake at night so I was worn out the next day. After a few months, I was diagnosed with postnatal depression. I felt powerless, and food became the only thing I could control. I’d eat an entire packet of chocolate bourbons in one sitting and whole trays of cherry bakewells.
Even when I started getting better, being around delicious cakes and bread all day at the bakery meant I was always eating. I just couldn’t resist anything sweet that was hot from the oven.
But of course, it was getting harder to ignore how big I was getting. ‘I’ll just eat the filling,’ I’d say, scooping the jam and cream from the centre, before throwing the leftover pastry in the bin. I wasn’t even embarrassed.
‘the weight was piling on, but i chose to ignore it’
A wave of shame
As the girls got older they started to worry. ‘Mum, why don’t we go on a bike ride?’ Caitlin, then 11, offered in 2012. But I wasn’t sure I could. ‘I’m busy today,’ I’d say. ‘Maybe next time.’ But there was never a next time.
In June 2013, it was my 40th birthday and to celebrate I went away for the weekend with friends to a holiday cottage just outside of South Shields. By now I was a size 24 and weighed 23st, but I reasoned I couldn’t let my weight stop me from enjoying myself – after all, you only turn 40 once. So, I had slice after slice of
birthday cake and drank alcopops full of sugar. It wasn’t until I got home and a friend emailed me some photos that I felt a wave of shame engulf me. ‘I look enormous,’ I gulped to Paul. ‘I’m twice as big as any of my friends.’ The black dress I’d worn out to dinner looked like a tent covering my layers of fat. I was ashamed that I’d let myself get so big, but the following Monday at work, I did what I always did and gave into temptation, scoffing a croissant at the bakery. Only, this time, it made me feel worse.
‘I can’t keep making excuses,’ I sighed to Paul that night.
For years I’d suffered with arthritis in my knees, which I blamed on ageing, but deep down I knew my weight was the cause. It was the same with my asthma. I was putting my body under enormous strain, and for what? Because I was too greedy to say no to food.
Slimming success
My work environment wasn’t helping. So, after talking to Paul – and working out how we’d cope financially – I handed in my notice and worked my last shift a month later. Although I’d miss my colleagues, it was the best thing for my health. Then, I booked an appointment with my GP. By now I was 24st 3lb, barely fitting into size 24 stretchy leggings. ‘Have you considered gastric bypass surgery?’ my doctor asked. He explained that if I lost a bit of weight on my own, I would qualify for the operation on the NHS.
It wasn’t a decision I took lightly but I needed the help. So, over the next few months, I ate salads and soups and by June 2015 I’d lost 2st – enough to qualify for the surgery.
After the operation, later that month, I could only eat puréed vegetables, before building up to solids, but even then, I could only manage a few mouthfuls at mealtimes. It was a strange feeling, sitting in front of my favourite dishes and not being able to finish them off, but quickly the results became evident. In the first six months, I lost 5st and the weight continued to fall off. Best of all, the gastric bypass cut my appetite in half so I didn’t miss gorging.
I even started following Slimming World recipes and cooking healthy meals, such as stir-fries.
After a year I’d lost 7st and now, three years on, I’m 14st 7lb and a size 14. I’ve had tummy tuck surgery to rid myself of excess skin and now, at 45, I’m happier – and healthier – than ever. And, what I’ve lost in weight I’ve gained in confidence. Caring for Harri is my job now. Of course I miss all of the sweet bakery treats, but being a slimming success tastes much, much sweeter.
‘i was too greedy to say no to food’