Shock read: I gave birth to my niece
Lauren Hooper, 33, was devastated when she realised a lifelong condition would prevent her having a family
Sitting in the doctor’s office, I struggled to comprehend what I was hearing. ‘There is a chance you might not be able to conceive or carry a baby,’ my heart consultant said gently. Gripping the hand of my partner, Michael, it was as though the doctor’s words were echoing through my head. Throughout my entire life, I’d had heart problems – including a hole in the heart and an enlarged aorta – and had been through countless surgeries as a child. But apart from yearly medical checks, I had been lucky to live a normal life, it hadn’t stopped me from doing much at all.
I’d never even considered the fact that my heart might not be strong enough to cope with a pregnancy.
An upended future
I’d always wanted to be a mother, but now, in early 2014, before Michael and I were due to get married in the May, I felt as though all my plans for the future had been upended.
‘I can’t imagine never having a baby of my own,’ I cried to my sister Ebony, then 32, when I saw her days later. We’d always been so close and
I loved being an aunty to Ebony’s children, Tegan, then five, and Sonny, two. Throughout Ebony’s pregnancies we’d shopped for baby clothes together, played music to her tummy and decorated the nursery, but now I wasn’t sure I was going to get the chance to have that for myself.
In the months that followed, Michael and I visited cardiologists and fertility doctors. But my heart problems were so complex and rare, they did not know
how my body would react.
‘You know I’ll carry your baby for you,’ Ebony said to me one day while we were at our mum’s. ‘Thank you so much, but you don’t need to do that,’ I said firmly.
What she was offering was unbelievably selfless, but to be honest, at the time, I barely even registered what she’d said. I put it to the back of my mind, reasoning she couldn’t possibly be serious.
Still hopeful
I was willing to take the risk on my life to have a child – and, though Michael had expressed concerns, I’d convinced myself that my body was up to it. Yet, when we visited more doctors and they told us how a difficult pregnancy could affect our baby, I had to rethink. The drugs I’d need could cause brain damage to the baby, even starve it of oxygen. There and then, I knew our decision had been made. There was no way we were going to put a child through such suffering. Feeling lower than ever, it was then that I thought of Ebony’s offer. ‘Maybe Ebony being our surrogate would work?’ I said to Michael. As sisters, it didn’t feel like a strange suggestion, and after a lot of talking, we decided we’d ask. So, in the summer of 2015, I invited Ebony out for coffee. ‘What you said about carrying my baby, did you really mean that?’ I asked after telling her what doctors had said. ‘Of course,’ she replied, without hesitation. I wanted her to be certain before committing, so I asked her to discuss it with her partner, Gavin, and their kids. If we were going to do this, we were all in it together. Deep down, I knew Ebony’s answer would still be yes, and when she told me she was happy to go ahead, we began IVF – so that my egg and Michael’s sperm could be harvested and fertilised before the embryo was implanted in Ebony’s uterus – in April 2016.
Our first two attempts ended in early miscarriages. I was even more anxious and worried as I watched Ebony go through such physical trauma. But she insisted we keep trying, and after fundraising for another round of IVF, we tried again.
When we got down to the very last viable embryo, I’d all but given up, but when we took the test two weeks later, in early December 2017, it was positive.
Michael and I were by Ebony and Gavin’s side for every single scan and midwife appointment that followed, and although I know it could have felt awkward, as a family we were so close that, if anything, it felt completely natural.
I watched in awe as she looked after our growing baby, unsure how I’d ever be able to convey my gratitude. There were some funny moments during the pregnancy, like when Ebony took Sonny to the supermarket and a man asked him if he was having a brother or a sister.
‘The look on his face when Sonny told him it was his cousin!’ Ebony laughed when she recalled it to me.
Passing on the baton
At 37 weeks, the baby’s head wasn’t properly engaged so Ebony had to be kept in hospital for observation.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I whispered, knowing that being on bed rest in hospital, 25 miles from her family, was tough for her. But she never let me feel guilty. ‘It will all be worth it when the baby is here,’ she said.
A week later, Ebony was induced, and on 24 July she gave birth to my little girl, Rae, with me, Michael, and Gavin by her side. It was an intimate moment, but not once did it feel like there were too many of us in the room.
‘I’ll never be able to thank you enough,’ I sobbed, hugging my daughter, then my sister. Ebony was so exhausted but I could see how happy she was for us.
Taking Rae home felt incredible, but strange, too. Ebony had been there for the whole journey, and now we were going home without her. ‘The baton has been passed on,’ she joked when she came to visit. ‘You’re in charge now.’
Rae is two now, and developing such a confident personality. Ebony, now 38, has told me that she would be my surrogate again if I wanted more children. When I was younger, I always imagined I’d have a big family, but I’ll never ask my sister to go through that again. It was a huge toll on Ebony’s body, especially the failed attempts, and I don’t want to put her through any more pain.
Instead, I wake up thankful that I have such a beautiful daughter and an incredible sister who enabled me to be a mum.
‘I watched in awe as she looked after our baby’