‘Now my life’s one big adventure’
Rachel Allen, 40, is a social media expert and lives in Milton Keynes with her son Lewis, eight.
Trying my hardest to stay upright on my paddleboard,
I grinned at my son Lewis. This wasn’t how I’d imagined spending my 40th – as a single, divorced mum – but I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. Though it can be tough, life has got better and better since my divorce four years ago.
I was 23 when I first met Rob* on a work IT course in February 2004. We got married in 2007 and, at first, everything was great. We had our son Lewis in 2013 and were both besotted. But, over time, we became so different from each other.
We tried couples’ therapy, but all that did was show me it wasn’t the marriage I wanted it to be. In January 2016, we started divorce proceedings and, four months later, Lewis and
I moved out.
NEW CONFIDENCE
For a long time I felt like a failure and was afraid to do things on my own. I got used to hearing awful stereotypes of single mums – I actually fell out with a friend after she made a comment about single mothers all being on benefits. But slowly, my self-esteem started to grow.
Lewis still has a great relationship with his dad, and I love being childfree every other weekend. Rob and
I co-parent well – we’re definitely better parents apart than together. Now Rob has a child with a new partner, and I’m really happy for him.
In the lead-up to turning 40, I was feeling rubbish about getting older. But losing a good friend to a brain tumour in 2017 made me realise how lucky I am to be fit and healthy, so I decided to embrace it.
I turn 41 next month and, to celebrate, I’m planning to walk on fire. It’s a day-long event where I’ll learn to conquer my fears and walk 10 metres over hot coals. I want to prove to myself that I can do anything.
I used to be scared to push myself out of my comfort zone, but now life’s one big adventure. I’ve done a course on confidence coaching and I’ve also got in touch with my spiritual side – things I’d never have done before.
I’ve tried internet dating and haven’t met anyone I want to share my life with yet, but it’s not my main focus. I don’t have any regrets. I feel like life was meant to happen the way it did.
‘I’VE DECIDED TO EMBRACE GETTING OLDER’