A GOOD MARRIAGE IS WORTH THE FIGHT
People should consider their options with the new no-fault divorce system
Divorce, death and desertion. The three ‘Ds’ that basically mean hell for any marriage. Now though, the biggest shake-up in divorce law in half a century has been introduced in England and Wales.
Basically it means that rather than playing the blame game, couples can split amicably without giving a reason. But let’s be honest, how many divorces are really that friendly? If you were actually on such great terms, you probably wouldn’t be splitting in the first place.
And while it’s good for the kids that
Mum hasn’t had to accuse Dad of being an insufferable drunk or Dad blame Mum for being a lying love cheat in public, there are always going to be those who suffer.
Up until this rule change the only way to officially end a marriage was proving adultery, unreasonable behaviour or desertion. And to obtain that divorce without your spouse’s agreement, you then had to live apart for five years.
Now you file for divorce, have a meaningful period of 20 weeks for ‘reflection’ and it will no longer be possible to contest the application except on limited grounds, including jurisdiction.
I appreciate I was beyond lucky to meet the ‘right one’ as an 18-year-old and have parents and grandparents who stuck by their marriage vows until death did them part. I love marriage. But it’s not always easy is it? We can all drive our partners mad with bad behaviour and, while it’s a cliché, marriage is and always will be incredibly hard work.
Many relationship experts say that this new ruling encourages couples to split at the first little hint of a problem. I vividly
remember my somewhat feisty mum (polite cough) throwing her wedding and engagement rings at Dad with such force that she nearly gave him a black eye. Likewise I recall my placid, mild-mannered grandad turning down his hearing aid when Nan was on one of her notorious ‘nagging’ sessions.
But they all loved one another and fought to work through the bad, mad and sad stuff. Because that’s what marriage is about. The hearts and flowers crud goes out of the window pretty soon after the honeymoon. The really good stuff is definitely worth the effort.
Plus the real elephant in the room with the new rules is financial. The current money law is 50 years old and this doesn’t change anything. The new law means a spouse can no longer defend a divorce and if the person applying to the court declares the marriage has irretrievably broken down the person responding can’t challenge it.
Indeed, former Pensions Minister Steve Webb warned one spouse might only hear about the divorce just before it was decided.
And while the big headlines are about women taking multimillionaire partners to the cleaners, the bitter truth is that it’s mostly women and children who suffer in ‘ordinary’ divorces. The care of children, the sorting out of living arrangements and short-term financial support postdivorce always hit women more than men. No-fault divorces first came onto the political agenda back in 2015 and have been dividing opinion ever since.
On balance the law change is probably a good thing, especially for the children, but always be careful what you wish for. Loveless marriages are obviously a nightmare. But a good one is always worth fighting for.
Although, Mum, if you’re reading this - possibly not literally.
‘ALWAYS BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR’