RHYMING NONSENSE
In yet another example ewe couldn’t make up, ‘offensive’ nursery rhymes are now to be rewritten to be kinder to… animals.
Baa, Baa, Black Sheep traditionally starts with ‘have you any wool?’ But in the new version, the sheep explains it’s ‘not cool’ to steal wool and refuses to provide any for the little boy who lives down the lane.
Little Miss Muffet is no longer frightened away by a spider but has her day ‘brightened’ by it. She’s also gone vegan, ditching curds and whey for ‘watching bluebirds play’.
This Little Piggy does the same. ‘Roast beef’ in the original becomes, er, ‘roast beets’. Meanwhile, the Three Blind Mice no longer have their tails cut off by the farmer’s wife, but thank her for saving their lives.
This is all the idea of animalrights campaigners PETA, who reckon the rhymes make light of animal cruelty and indoctrinate tiny tots.
What next? The Vegan Society bans Humpty Dumpty for being an egg AND fat shaming? Cracking.