A PROBLEM SHARED

Mum-of-two Anita Naik has been an agony aunt for 30 years

WE FIGHT OVER MONEY

Q

My partner and I have lived together since lockdown and, though I love him, he’s driving me mad. I am 45, he is 49 and challenges everything I spend. We split everything 50/50, have no debt, and work, so I’ve told him countless times that my spending is none of his business. He says he can’t stand money being wasted, which I know has something to do with his ex and the divorce. A

If you’re earning your own money and paying your share of the bills, you don’t have to justify your spending. It sounds as if there is a lot of fear around money from his past. You need to talk to him about this anxiety. Get to the bottom of what makes him so fearful of money and if he refuses to talk, make it clear that the future of your relationship depends on him sorting this out.

WHY CAN’T I LET HIM GO?

Q

Ten years ago, my husband left me for someone else. We managed to co-parent well and, over the years, I have worked on us becoming good friends by always being there for him. He has married again, but I am still in love with him. I constantly hope he’ll come back to me and can’t let him go. My

daughters say I need to move on, but I feel stuck. A

It’s hard to move on when all your future hopes are pinned on your ex. You need to change your focus and break this habit by admitting that you have been without him for the last decade. Letting go is a painful and challenging thing, so it would help to work through this with a counsellor. Try Relate (relate.org.uk).

CONTACT ANITA

Send your questions to askanita@futurenet.com, follow her on Twitter @Anitanaik, or go to anitanaik.com