‘I felt like giving up but now I have my life back’
Eva Nebunya, 50, used the grief of losing five babies to help others through their loss. ‘Congratulations, you’re pregnant!’ said the nurse, as my mouth hung open in shock. It was October 2010, and I’d only gone in for my cervical screening. But when I couldn’t remember my last period, the nurse insisted on a pregnancy test.
The idea I’d be a mum and wife one day had been drilled into me ever since childhood. But at 38,
I felt completely unprepared. My partner and I had only been together for a few months, and I’d always wanted to get married before thinking about kids.
I suffered with extreme morning sickness and anaemia. But shopping for tiny baby clothes, I started looking forward to meeting my surprise baby.
YEARS OF SADNESS
Only, seven months into my pregnancy, just as I was getting used to the idea of being a mum, it was ripped away. Because of my anaemia, I had two-weekly checkups at the hospital. At one, in May 2011, the sonographer looked puzzled. ‘I can’t see the baby’s heartbeat,’ she said. She tried wiggling the baby into a different position, but it was no use.
Two days later, I was induced. Holding my stillborn baby in my arms, who I named Joshua, I felt such love. But unlike the other mothers in the hospital, I never got to take
Joshua home, or even hear him cry.
Postnatal depression took hold and I became anxious and reclusive. But six months later, I fell pregnant again. ‘This time will be different,’ I said to my partner. Only, six months in, I miscarried my second baby, Tendo, and went through all the grief again.
Over the next five years I lost three more pregnancies, and the trauma affected all aspects of my life. My relationship broke down and I pushed friends away. I suffered from hair loss, and developed a stammer. Even with the support of my family and church, I felt nothing could pull me out of my sadness.
Then, during lockdown in 2020, I saw an advert on TV for the Grief Recovery Method. It was a programme for people suffering from grief to help them process what they’d been through and move on.
After just one class, I learnt I was experiencing unresolved grief, when a person tries to avoid or deny the reality of their loss. The class helped, and over the next few months my confidence and happiness started to return.
Wanting to help others like me, I trained as an advanced grief recovery specialist. Now, I help parents who have suffered with child loss, as well as other grief. In December 2021, I launched a book about my experiences. It felt like I was introducing Joshua, Tendo and my other three angels to the world, and helped me find peace.
In February 2022, I held a retreat for eight women to come together and work through their bereavement. We ate delicious meals, did crafts and held space to share our stories. I’m planning another retreat this year, specifically for parents who have lost children.
There were times I felt like giving up, but now I have my life back again.
Find out more about Eva’s work and retreats at evanabunya.club
‘SHARING MY EXPERIENCES HELPED ME FIND PEACE’