IF YOU SCORED…
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YOU’RE A PEOPLE PLEASER
You say yes to everything – despite it ruining your summer! ‘People pleasers want to be liked,’ says psychotherapist Juliet Grace. ‘These beliefs often stem from earlier experiences of feeling insecure, or because of a desire to avoid conflict. But you end up feeling overcommitted and can become stressed.’ TAKE ACTION
If saying no to someone’s face feels overwhelming, text or email instead. Or practise it in low-stake contexts, like when the cashier tries to sell an extra product at the till. The more you do it, the more calm and confident you’ll feel, turning your habitual yes into a more mindful no.
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YOU’RE A GUILT EXPERT
Your responses may often be knee-jerk as you never want to be the ‘bad guy’. You may already have a lot on your plate, but you say yes due to feeling guilty, which by the end of a busy summer can lead to resentment. TAKE ACTION
‘If you have a true sense of how much you have to give, you’ll be better equipped to say yes or no,’ says Abbie Headon, author of The Power of No (£9.99, Ilex Press). If you do say no, don’t over-explain. ‘That can undermine the no and make you sound uncertain,’ adds Abbie.
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YOU’RE A THINK-BEFORE-YOU-SPEAK MASTER
‘This is quite a healthy approach to take. You are involved enough with the needs of others and want to help, but not to your own detriment,’ says Juliet. But being able to juggle everything can be difficult. TAKE ACTION
‘Placing conditions around saying yes can make things manageable,’ says Juliet. For example, ‘Yes, I can help, but I’m on holiday next week.’ And remember not to backpedal. If someone is refusing to accept your ‘no’, repeat your statement. You don’t have to justify yourself.
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YOU’RE A SELF-PRESERVATION EXPERT
Well done, you’ve mastered the art of saying no, which means you may have a good sense of how to get what you want, says Juliet. But make sure you’re not coming across as unsympathetic or negative.
TAKE ACTION
Try a gentle no. Reassure the other person they are important to you, empathise and suggest an alternative. Keep it positive. Say, ‘I’m busy on Thursday but I can help on Friday if you like?’