AN EMOTIONAL BOND
Can’t we just Live and Let Die and let 007 be his manly self?
The name’s Bond, James Bond and from here on in he’s here to leave you shaken and stirred. No, not your dry Martini, silly, your kale smoothie.
As a response to absolutely no woman ever, the next 007 will be even more sensitive than Daniel Craig in his last outing. Remember in No Time To Die
our hunky hero was a devoted family man who only had eyes for one woman – his four-year-old daughter?
Well, according to Bond boss lady Barbara Broccoli the next actor will continue to ‘crack Bond open emotionally’. ‘It’s an evolution,’ she intones. ‘Bond is evolving just as men are evolving.’
Well, that very well may be (though Ms Broccoli obviously hasn’t popped along to a British football ground on match day recently) but is it what we want?
I love the fact that the husband enjoys cooking so does all that kitchen stuff and irons much better than me too, but I think a fantasy fella needs to be a real alpha male, blokey bloke.
I reckon Craig’s Bond emerging from the ocean in those clinging blue swimming trunks, muscles glistening and blue eyes sparkling with a very naughty glint is what female fans wanted.
The new 007 tiptoeing gently out wincing at the cold while clutching the hand of a tearful toddler and bright pink flamingo rubber ring just ain’t going to do it, is it?
Because let’s be honest. Bond was written by the deeply sexist, boozy hedonist that was military man Ian Fleming – he was designed to reflect his creator.
Yes, the character treated women appallingly, but because it wasn’t real it didn’t matter. When it wasn’t hilariously
‘I THINK A FANTASY FELLA NEEDS TO BE A REAL ALPHA MALE, BLOKEY BLOKE’
funny – Pussy Galore, anyone?
– it was pretty hot.
Bit like fancying Dracula. We don’t want our throats ripped open in real life obviously but the idea of a tall, dark, mysterious stranger seducing us and leaving us panting for more has been the mainstay of female fantasies since time immemorial.
And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it either.
Blokes might go to see Bond to check out his gadget and motors, women go to get their motors running and ponder exactly what they’d do with his gadget.
Broccoli is director of the UK chapter of Time’s Up, which describes itself as ‘an independent, intersectional organisation focused on rooting out sexual harassment at its source.’
Er, right. If I understood half what that actually meant I’d be right behind her. But I still want some sex and fun in my movies.
Women aren’t stupid. We know to bring our sons up to respect their sisters. We also know to educate them that the computer games and films they enjoy aren’t real. Nor are the men or women portrayed in them.
Believing in equality doesn’t mean you have to suck the fun out of life though. Doing so can lead to knee-jerk resentment and even more division between the sexes.
While in real life I like a bloke who understands what the menopause is, in fantasy land I prefer one who comes licensed to thrill.