‘It was never the right time’

Charli Wall, 52, is a life coach and counsellor from Norfolk.

When my son Zak was born to in 2000, I looked forward giving him a brother or sister. Growing up with two siblings, I always planned on having a large family. When my marriage to his dad broke down in 2002, I knew I still had time to have more children. But I was busy looking after my father, who’d been left disabled following a motorbike accident years before. We’d moved to Cambridge to be near him as and when I wasn’t at work an addiction specialist, I was visiting Dad with Zak. It was stressful and I ended as up leaving my job to set up a personal trainer. It helped, but I was working long hours to and didn’t feel I’d be able cope with another child. My partners over the years were always keen to have children my but I was resistant, despite the longing – it was just never right time. I wanted a sibling for Zak and felt guilty, but I struggled looking after him and Dad, so it felt impossible. By the time my Dad died in 2016, I was in a long-term relationship and, finally feeling ready, we’d been trying for a baby. But it never happened for us and it turned out I was in perimenopause. I was gutted and annoyed too with myself for leaving it late. I deeply regret not having more kids and I know Zak, now 23, would have loved a sibling. But I’ve learnt to to accept it and I feel so lucky have my wonderful son.