Try some role reversal

Q In my opinion, my brother’s daughter is an attention-seeker and rather neurotic. Whenever something difficult crops up in her life, she becomes ill. I don’t doubt that she is ill but I’m sure there’s an emotional component. My brother and his wife would be horrified if I said this but I find it hard to sympathise with them about her health. I also think they should be looking at her issues and offering her some proper support.

Ali, Bristol

A Turn the tables for a moment and imagine this was your child and your brother was thinking the same thing. Would you welcome him telling you and advising you what to do about your child? If you’d think it was none of his business, then I suggest you follow your own principles and say nothing. However, if you truly believe you’d welcome it, then before you say anything think through what you’d like them to say and where they could be supportive. Again, follow your own advice and offer some suggestions. Be prepared, though, for them to tell you to mind your own business, as it’s their child and their choice how they behave.