Now you can both hit the reset button

Q I have a friend who believes I should be there for her whenever, and for however long she wants to talk.

I’ve stopped answering the phone to her when she calls if I haven’t got a lot of time, but during one recent call with her, I thought I’d pressed the mute button when it was still turned on and she heard me complain to my husband about her. I know I upset her and now don’t know what to say.

Miriam, Leeds A I’d have thought sorry would be a good start! You had your reasons but hearing someone complaining about you is always going to be hurtful.

You chose not to confront the issue and, as invariably happens, these things come to light but not in the best way. Once you’ve apologised for talking about her, explain why you behaved as you did. Acknowledge that it seems neither of you is meeting each other’s needs and that you’d like to have a friendship where both of you felt valued and wanted. Together, discuss what needs to happen to improve the relationship.

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