Teach your son the art of compromise
Q I know most teenage boys are into computer games, but it feels as if my son has become addicted. He spends all his time with his face in his computer or iPad. I know he’s behind with his schoolwork but, when we ask him about it he says it’s under control. We thought of taking his computer away, but then he couldn’t do his homework. I’m really concerned, as he hardly talks to us and never goes out with his friends any more.
Mary, Birmingham A Your son is at a stage of life when he’s working out how to be an adult and is struggling to find his place in the world. The transition for him involves withdrawing and becoming immersed in fantasy games. I think you’ll find, if you talk to his friends’ mothers, that most of their sons are behaving similarly. They don’t talk to their parents, as they don’t feel they have much to say to you and they’re all happy with their individual screens. In itself, there’s nothing wrong with that, but it needs to be in moderation. Putting a time limit around game time and helping him to focus on his schoolwork are important. It may help to talk to the school to see what their thoughts are on managing this, and if they see your son as withdrawn and needing support. If so, they’ll be able to suggest the right route to find someone for him to see. If they don’t, it will reassure you that, although you don’t understand his behaviour, it’s within the norm.
It’s also important to talk to him, express your concerns and discuss the need to do his schoolwork. Together with him, try to work out a schedule, so he knows that you’re not trying to ban his computer time altogether, but want to find a balance between schoolwork and fun. If he knows you’re not trying to outlaw his game-playing, he’s much more likely to compromise and much less likely to dig his heels in.