Q I think that my friend’s partner may be abusing her. Should I say anything?
ADomestic abuse affected an estimated 1.9 million adults of working age in the year to March 2017, according to the Crime Survey for England and Wales (two-thirds were women). But that’s probably an underestimate, as victims often don’t tell anyone, and it doesn’t include the elderly, who, like people with mental health problems, may be secretly abused by ‘carers’ or family (you can raise concerns with the local Social Services safeguarding team).
Abuse can be physical, mental/emotional, sexual, financial and/or neglect, and it includes coercive or controlling behaviour such as restricting the victim’s activities or access to friends and family.
But the victim may be ashamed, scared of repercussions or losing their children/home, or even love the abuser; while as outsiders we worry about giving offence, being wrong, or making things worse – although in an emergency we should even consider ringing the police.
However, asking her gently and privately whether she’s OK, telling her what you’ve noticed or wondered, and encouraging her to take action if necessary may be the lifeline she needs. You can both find out more and get support from the National Domestic Violence Helpline, on 0808 2000 247, or by visiting womensaid.org.uk.