Think back to your own first relationship

Q

My 17-year-old son has his first girlfriend, who he’s very keen on. He’s spending as much time as he can at her house, but won’t bring her over to ours. I’ve asked why, and he doesn’t really answer. Could he be ashamed of us?

Lynn, Dunstable

A

I think the answer’s in your opening sentence: she’s his first girlfriend. Take yourself back for a minute to your first date. Like him, I expect you were uncertain, slightly embarrassed, unsure how you should be, and worried your parents might not approve. I’m sure his concerns, if he has any, are about himself, not you. Let him know gently that you’d be happy for them to hang out at your place, so he knows they can just drop by without any big introductions. And then, hard as it is, let it be and leave him to decide when.