Make choices based on the present

Q When I was a child, we weren’t allowed to leave the table until we’d finished. Sometimes I was still there at 4pm when I didn’t want to eat my veg. My parents had been brought up in families where there wasn’t enough food and they couldn’t bear to see any wasted.

I took this on board myself and, although I never asked my children to stay at the table, I can’t bear waste. If I see something is going off in the fridge, I feel obliged to eat it. As you can imagine, I’m overweight. I have tried most diets and they don’t work.

Lindy, Bath A We learn our beliefs, attitudes and values at a very early age from our parents and care givers. We embed D

these into our psyche and they remain there until we find they’re no longer helpful and we need to change them.

Your parents had a very valid point that wasting food is bad and it was a good lesson for you to learn. But it has now become distorted and is no longer helpful. As we get older, some childhood beliefs no longer serve us and we need to change them.

While you still hold this belief, you’re right – no diet will help. Every time you see potentially wasted food, you’ll be triggered to eat it before it goes into the bin.

There are two ways to tackle this. The first is practical. Start to shop on a daily

basis and only buy what you need. That way, you’ll finish what you bought and not have anything left over. It may take a bit more time but I think it will make a big difference.

The other way to make a sustainable change is to have a few sessions with a counsellor who can work with you on changing those limiting beliefs so you’re free to make your own choices based on the present and not on past beliefs.