Real Life: Families brought together by the life-saving gift of organ donation
There are more than 50,300 people alive today in the UK thanks to organ transplants. Pauline Holmes’ family knows just how important donation is. She speaks to Lucy Laing
When Pauline Holmes’ daughter Claire was choosing her bridesmaid, there was one very special person for the job – Abi Richardson.
It was a poignant moment for Pauline to see Abi, then
17, standing with Claire, 29. But one that brought her great comfort. You see, Abi was there helping to represent Pauline’s son and Claire’s beloved brother, Russell.
Russell had died four-anda-half years earlier, aged just 26, but his liver saved Abi’s life.
‘It was a lovely wedding day. We all missed Russell so much, but having Abi there as bridesmaid, it was almost as though he was with us, which made me feel better,’ Pauline, 64, says.
Pauline had made the courageous decision to donate her son’s organs for transplant after his death from a brain haemorrhage in October 2008.
Russell had been helping some friends move furniture when he collapsed and was rushed to Southampton General Hospital.
‘It was devastating,’ Pauline recalls. ‘When we arrived at the hospital the doctors said there was nothing that could be done for him.
‘Russell had been fit and healthy with his whole life ahead of him. We just couldn’t take it in.’
The doctors asked Pauline and her ex-husband, Trevor, whether they would agree to Russell’s organs being donated for transplant.
‘Russell didn’t have a donor card, but we knew that he would’ve wanted to help others,’ Pauline says. ‘We couldn’t waste his life, so we agreed.’
His liver and kidneys were used for donation with part of his liver going to Abi, then 12, while another part, as well as his kidneys, were donated to three other people in need.
‘I didn’t know any of the recipients but I bought them each a card and asked the hospital to pass them on,’
Pauline recalls. ‘I didn’t expect to hear back from any of them. I just hoped that Russell had managed to help save those four lives.’
Then, three months on, Pauline received a letter through the post from Abi.
‘It was a lovely letter,’ Pauline says. ‘She said she was sorry for the loss of my son, but that thanks to him she had another chance at life. She also said that she would like to meet me.
‘Her mum, Sarah, also wrote to me explaining that Abi had been born with chronic liver disease and had been waiting two years for a transplant.
‘My heart just filled with joy. It felt so wonderful knowing that this young girl had a chance at a future because of Russell.’
In December 2009, Pauline agreed to meet Abi at a hotel in Lyme Regis, Dorset.
‘I worried I might find it too difficult but it was actually very comforting.
Abi hugged me and it was so emotional. Even though we were strangers, there was this bond between us.’
Since then, their friendship has blossomed and they speak on the phone every few days.
And in May 2013, Abi was asked to be Claire’s bridesmaid.
‘I’ve come to love Abi as a daughter,’ Pauline says. ‘And Claire agreed it just felt right having her as a bridesmaid.
‘Abi’s parents also asked Claire and I to be godmothers to their youngest daughter,
Lily Mai, 7. Our families have an unbreakable bond.
‘Losing Russell was the hardest thing in the world, but knowing that my son has given other people a second chance at life makes it that little bit easier.’
More than 10,000 people in the UK currently need a transplant. Of these, 1,000 every year – that’s three people each day – will die.
‘Donating Russell’s organs is something I’ll never regret,’ says Pauline. ‘Abi is 21 now and she texts me all the time. She shows me photos of her boyfriends and tells me what she’s up to. It’s like a part of Russell is living on through her.
‘We have a lovely friendship – one that I hold very close to my heart.’
‘Even though we were strangers, there was this bond between us’