Right elements for a relationship?
Dear Keren
I’ve recently met a man who I really like. The problem is I’m not attracted to him physically. My last relationship was very physical and that was important to me. I must admit we didn’t like each other enough to stay together forever. I would like to date my new friend and he’s very keen on me but I’m just not sure.
Name and address withheld
There must be something about this man that has prompted you to write. You may not be physically attracted but you’re clearly drawn to him. The ability to communicate and to connect is what keeps relationships going, as you’ve discovered. There has been some research done on the components needed to sustain a relationship.
One aspect is appreciation. This is when someone recognises what you offer and values you for it. Too often, we find ourselves taken for granted by our nearest and dearest. The second is humility where we’re able to be open and honest about ourselves, praising what’s genuinely good but being aware of the areas that still need work.
Lastly, we need to trust and share and have a sense of dependence. I don’t mean being clingy and unable to do anything alone. I’m talking about sharing issues that might bother us or give us pleasure so the other person is involved in our lives.
If these aspects are there with your friend, you probably can’t go wrong. I expect you’ll find that the attraction comes as the relationship grows.