Christmas causes misery and tension

How can one day in the year cause so much misery and stress? Why do people believe that if you choose to spend the day with someone else it means you don’t like them? I’m sick and tired of it – nothing I say ever seems to be right and everyone gets cross and hurt. I’m disappointed I didn’t book to go on holiday. I’ve left it too late, as everything is so expensive. I don’t have children so I could do something different as my cousins and friends would get over it.

Freddie, London I know Christmas feels like it’s just one day, which of course is true, but the meaning behind it is fundamental to our needs: that is care and love. At Christmas, we open ourselves to others and want to share this moment with them. I know it isn’t always done well but that’s the sentiment behind it. We want to spend time with the people who matter to us. If they say no, we feel rejected, then act defensively. I expect that’s what’s causing the issues for you.

You can’t stop them minding but you can manage it differently so they respond in a more positive manner. You could make a rota so everyone knows which is their year or you could decide to go to no-one but visit them over the festive period when you can see everyone and share the feelings behind Christmas.

If you really don’t want to see anyone, there are lots of places that would welcome your help as a volunteer and that won’t cost you anything. Crisis at Christmas is a good organisation. You can contact them via crisis.org.uk or call their head office on 0300 636 1967 and they’ll direct you to the local service.

You can find other organisations on the internet or at the library. As well as helping others, the added bonus is that you’ll meet other people who’d rather not spend the day with friends and family.