how do I control my opinions?
I’ve always prided myself on being someone who expresses her emotions and who says it as it is. But, as I’ve aged, I’ve realised this can
sometimes be difficult for others as they
may not want to know how I feel and it can make them uncomfortable. I was very aware of this at a recent family event, when my niece introduced me to her boyfriend and said, ‘You can always rely on my aunt to say how she feels and to raise the tension levels.’ I want to be able to control this.
Name and address withheld This is difficult to answer fully as I expect there are underlying reasons why you’re so ready to express your feelings. If you really want to change, I think you’d benefit from seeing a counsellor and talking it through. Meanwhile, I’ve listed below some things you can do to help control your emotions in certain situations.
At the moment you catch yourself about to say something, a useful technique is to ‘breathe, blink and drink’. Just a sip of water will do. This
changes your energy and gives you time to think.
Taking three deep breaths also helps you to pause.
Make sure you’ve slept well before an event and that you have eaten beforehand, which will keep your energy levels up.
Smile. As soon as we smile, we produce positive chemicals that make us feel good, so we’re less likely to react negatively.
Acknowledge to yourself how you feel and then pause and
decide your reaction.
Ask questions rather than making statements. Just saying, ‘That’s interesting – tell me a bit more about it,’ gives you time to think and others an opportunity to explain themselves, which often reduces tension.
Learn to meditate. There are lots of apps you can download that will show you how to do this. Practise daily for 10 to 15 minutes. This will help you to become more aware and to control your thoughts and emotions.