Word your concerns very carefully

QMy daughter-in-law is very clever and did well at school and university. She and my son have two children and she seems obsessed by their grades. Their son is academic but my granddaughter struggles and her mother is very hard on her. I can see she’s suffering. I’m not sure what I should say. Whenever I’ve made any comments about her to my son in the past, he’s been pretty cross with me.

susie, leicester

ANo-one likes to have their partner or children criticised so it’s not surprising he’s reacted negatively. I’d suggest you focus on what you’ve observed in your granddaughter and ask them if they’ve seen the same thing. Then discuss what you all think is happening and very tentatively say you’re concerned as she seems unhappy. But at no point say that they’re too tough on her.