I don’t want It to happen agaIn
QI was married for five years when I was fairly young and, although I was deeply in love and sure he was the right one, it went sour very soon after we had our children. He left me and I brought up the two children on my own. I met a guy a year ago and I’ve fallen in love again. I’m fearful that it might go the same way.
Name and address withheld
AI understand that falling in love again has reminded you of when you met your first partner and the fact that it didn’t work out then. But I’m sure that over the years, even if you haven’t met someone special, you’ve learnt about people and are probably more able to assess them than you were when you were a young woman. There are no guarantees but there are a few pointers you could follow when thinking about a long-
term partner. If you can say yes to the following four, I think you’ll find it will work well.
First, is he really interested in you? I don’t mean does he lust after you, but has he real interest in you as a person and is he willing to listen to you?
Are you affectionate with each other, touching and holding hands and sitting close to each other when watching TV or going for a walk? We all crave that kind of attention and warmth.
Are you able to disagree with each other, without trying to belittle one another, and then find a midway solution? It’s important to be able to disagree with respect and to learn to compromise.
And, finally, do you want the same things from life? If your dreams don’t fit, this will lead to tension and one of you having to give up too much. If you have the same goals and values, you’ll move forward in the same direction.