Real life: An inspiring across-the-generations friendship
Madeleine Slater-Vaughan, 68, is a specialist mentor at Birmingham City University and lives in Worcestershire.
Steff’s first words to me were, ‘Sit there and take notes.’
It wasn’t a warm welcome, but as an experienced teacher and support assistant, I wasn’t fazed. Steff has autism, so when I was assigned to help her in September 2013, I knew it would take time to gain her trust.
At the time, Steff was in her final year of a BTEC in Media Studies at North
East Worcestershire College, Redditch. She’d seen several support assistants come and go, but once she realised
I was truly on her side, we became friends.
In July 2014, Steff passed her BTEC with distinction and we were both delighted. Then she asked a lifechanging question: ‘I’m going to university, will you come?’
The university – in nearby Birmingham – agreed, so from September 2014, I started supporting Steff there, both in term-time and during holidays when she had assignments.
In April 2015, Steff was offered two days’ work experience at Kerrang! magazine in London. At her parents’ request, I went, too, making sure that she got there and back safely each day.
We live close to one another, so over the years she got to know my husband, Paul. I can’t drive, so Paul would ferry us for trips – one of my favourite memories was in 2016 when we visited a butterfly farm in Stratfordupon-Avon, where Steff took pictures for her course.
By the time Steff graduated in July 2017, we were best friends. Although I’m old enough to be her grandma, I feel more like a sensible big sister! We meet up for coffee or shopping, and she’ll call me in the middle of the night if she’s got a problem – I’m usually awake!
In January 2017, Paul was diagnosed with cancer, and he died in October 2019,
‘My friendship with Steff has been life-changing’
five days after his 66th birthday. Steff wrote him a poem, which was printed for his memorial service – we don’t have any children and it was so moving to see how much she’d loved him.
My friendship with Steff has been life-changing – because of her, I have my job at the university, where I still work, plus I’ve had countless days out and trips to London – we even had a go at falconry last October, to celebrate Paul’s birthday.
Our relationship might have started because Steff needed support, but now it’s so much more than that, and we value each other’s company and friendship.