Can she have two parties for grandson?

Q I had a very acrimonious divorce from my ex-husband. Fortunately, I’ve not had to see him for many years. The last time was at our daughter’s wedding and he was horrible. My daughter now has a baby and has invited us both to her son’s first birthday party. I have said I can’t be in the same room as him and asked if she could do separate parties. She said I have to ‘get over it’ – or don’t go. Name and address withheld

A I know this isn’t what you want me to say, but I agree with her. A child can’t have two parties because his grandparents can’t manage to be civil to each other for a couple of hours. If this isn’t possible, then you have to graciously excuse yourself. It is not all right for either of you to spoil the day. It sounds like your focus is on you and not on the little boy you both share as grandparents, or your daughter.