I feel left out

QMy daughter-in-law is much more interested in her family than me. I always feel like the necessary and tolerated guest. I often hear things about them and the children on those occasions from her family, and it makes me feel stupid when it’s the first I’ve heard of them.

Alicia, Norwich

ALet me ask you if this feeling of being left out is a familiar one? If it is, note that and acknowledge this probably isn’t to do with the circumstances and some therapy would be helpful. But if it’s only in the circumstances you describe, I think you need to have a conversation with your son and daughter-in-law about how you feel. Accept that she’ll be closer to her parents than you. I expect your son is closer to you than he is with her family.

Tell them that you’d like to be kept a bit more updated and encourage your son to do this. Your daughter-in-law may well be assuming that he tells you things. This way, she’ll know and start updating you too.