Why hasn’t she moved on?

Q

Sadly, my father died young 32 years ago. My mother still expects us all to commemorate the day with her. She gets into a very bad mood and leaves my four siblings and me feeling hurt and angry. Surely, she should be over it now? Judith, York

A

From what you say, she isn’t. I know you think she should be, but that isn’t the case. It sounds like she has become stuck in a grief cycle. That must be very difficult for her. I expect she lashes out at all of you because she herself is hurting. She would really benefit from some therapy to help her to manage her pain. If you think she would agree, it would be good to suggest it. Maybe you, or you and your siblings, could go with her and talk about this as a family. If not, I hope you can find the compassion to understand her behaviour, as I think she’s doing the best she can at the moment, even if it isn’t always comfortable for you.