Family dynamics are tense

Q My mother looks after my four- and two-year-olds. She spanked the elder child recently, when he was misbehaving and being rude to her. My husband is furious with her and has told her so. He’s now not speaking to her. He’s also cross with me, as I haven’t stopped her looking after the children. I don’t know what to do. We’d struggle to pay for five days of childcare. Name and address withheld A Spanking a child is against the law, unless it is seen as a reasonable punishment. Spanking is not kind or helpful behaviour. It is, however, what many parents did when you were growing up. Maybe your mother isn’t aware of the changes in child-rearing. That said, I assume you will have told her what is an acceptable punishment for your children, as all of them can be naughty. Your husband’s behaviour is also not helpful. Help him to see that you all need to talk about it to settle this, so it doesn’t happen again. The relationship with a grandparent is very important for children, so you don’t want to lose that.